Work Status Update

[Longhorned]

I thought they'd be impressed when I asked them to take me off their contact list. They just reload and put a different vendor on me for the same "educational product." All I can do is put a security block on every vendor the first time they email me. "Mowing the lawn" is a disgusting euphemism so I call it "trimming the glade."

There are regular vendors, and then there are vendors trying to capitalize off college students just trying to get through their classes.

[Chicat]

Apparently we have a preferred vendor for a very specific media type. They work with us across a number of brands and offer something fairly unique.

But the point of contact is so inflexible, nosy, and difficult to work with that everyone only reaches out to her when it’s absolutely necessary (ie - there are literally no other options).

Now here’s the kicker…. right on their pricing sheet is an open bribe. A $500 gift card to any buyer who books a campaign for 4 weeks or longer. Even so! No one really wants to work with our rep.

So at some point this vendor must have seen their total business with us declining and decided to do something. Did they see that their rep tries to extract so much info from us prior to providing pricing that it adds layers of work to our days and is seen as a total hassle? Nope! What they saw was a rep that unceasingly tries to wring every last dollar out of every budget. So they probably gave her a new bonus structure so she’s double down on her efforts and then they openly bribe her clients to do more business with her. Yeah! That’s the ticket.

Sales teams can be so insular that they actively limit their sales. I have no doubt we’d spend upwards of 30% more with this company if every time we reach out we didn’t see the drool dripping out of her emailed replies. Relax, don’t stress us out, and we will put you in our plans where it is appropriate. Climb all up inside my ass and you’re the first thing that’s getting cut.

[Longhorned]

The gift card bribe is a shameless conflict of interest.

I get small bribe offers (like lunch), but it should be an ethics violation to accept any size bribe in my position.

[Chicat]

It’s totally fucked up. I hope we turn them down. If our client found out we were spending tens of thousands of their dollars to get $500 for ourselves, they’d fire us in a heartbeat.

[scumdevils86]

Yea that's pretty crazy

[EastCoastCat]

My Father was in sales so I always have had had a soft spot for annoying assholes like you Chi.

[Chicat]

My Father was in sales so I always have had had a soft spot for annoying assholes like you Chi.

Having been that annoying asshole, I have no mercy.

People that cold call me either get a “I’m a terrible prospect for this. Did you even do any research or are you just dialing for dollars?!?” or I troll them by critiquing their pitch as they’re giving it… “I’m losing interest Paul! I’m going to need a whole lot more enthusiasm and your pitch has to be done in 22 seconds or I’m hanging up on your ass!”

So really, I’m still an asshole. I’m just no longer making the phone calls.

[scumdevils86]

Lol. I received an email from an account executive at one of my main vendors that I handle all the work for. They wanted to set up a reference call with another credit union that is thinking about signing with the aforementioned vendor. I say great, I love that, I'd be happy to (this is after having to explain to the account executive what time zones are and how to read my email when I provided him time slots on my calendar).

I hop on the call a little while ago and the other credit union is not there, only the vendor's account executive. He said thank you for all the information provided to the other credit union through the questionnaire they sent in advance, it was very helpful. He then proceeded to ask me more about my title and what I do because he's not comfortable providing my very detailed breakdown to the other credit union as they "really wanted someone who was a VP to do this".

I cheerfully explain to this slack-jawed buffoon that I did 99% of the work for this implementation. Wrote the business case, presented to our leadership, secured the budget, built the configuration (including two bots) from scratch, trained staff, monitored the release, and am now leading follow up projects to add additional features. The project has been a resounding success with almost unheard of positive growth and top tier results for our KPIs. I did it. All me. By myself.

But nah, I had to sit in the corner and wait till a "grown up" showed up. It happened to be my boss who told this guy to shove it and that I'm the expert, not the VP.

Annoying.

[Chicat]

The tyranny of titles. It’s one of the dumber things about American business.

I was once on a call, silently sitting behind our VP of Sales feeding him answers because thats the executive level the client wanted to deal with. Meanwhile he knew next to nothing.

Question…

*me feeding him the answer while his phone is muted*

…Answer


So fucking stupid.

[scumdevils86]

Yeeeep. Fortunately, my VP is actually pretty deep into the trenches with us sometimes (not in an annoying, micromanaging way) so she can hold her own. But she would not have been able to answer 3/4 of the questions from this other CU.

[Alieberman]

Negotiate 4 weeks of vacation and then let them train you to handle all aspects of virtual meetings.

What’s the worst that happens? You don’t like it, but you now have a whole new set of tools to market yourself for your next position.

I truly believe there are no mistakes. Only learning opportunities.

Just accepted the job. I start Monday.

WooHoo!!!

[scumdevils86]

Negotiate 4 weeks of vacation and then let them train you to handle all aspects of virtual meetings.

What’s the worst that happens? You don’t like it, but you now have a whole new set of tools to market yourself for your next position.

I truly believe there are no mistakes. Only learning opportunities.

Just accepted the job. I start Monday.

WooHoo!!!

Awesome stuff!

[Chicat]

Negotiate 4 weeks of vacation and then let them train you to handle all aspects of virtual meetings.

What’s the worst that happens? You don’t like it, but you now have a whole new set of tools to market yourself for your next position.

I truly believe there are no mistakes. Only learning opportunities.

Just accepted the job. I start Monday.

WooHoo!!!

Fucking fantastic. Mazel Tov Ari!

[Longhorned]

Congratulations! You're going to have a great start

[azgreg]

Just accepted the job. I start Monday.

WooHoo!!!

[97cats]

just purchased a 600,000 square foot deal in Algonquin, Illinois

curranty looking at one in Shaumburg, Naperville, and Woodridge...comin for you, Chi!

[Chicat]

Can’t wait to see you in my neck of the woods more often!

[97cats]

mid july i will be there...dinner again for sure.

[Chicat]

I’m in!

[PieceOfMeat]

Negotiate 4 weeks of vacation and then let them train you to handle all aspects of virtual meetings.

What’s the worst that happens? You don’t like it, but you now have a whole new set of tools to market yourself for your next position.

I truly believe there are no mistakes. Only learning opportunities.

Just accepted the job. I start Monday.

WooHoo!!!

Awesome, Congrats!!!!

[Longhorned]

I have no idea how people fart at work. It's different for professors because, at worst, you have a 90 minute meeting, which is manageable. But all the professors have their own office where they can sit inside with the door closed, and open the window and refuse to respond to inquiries until the air is securely cleared. Short of that, it's not like it's socially acceptable to go fart in the bathroom. Would you have to go into a toilet stall 10 times a day? Or 40 times on those rough days? And it's well known that a fart will follow you. It's not that the fart knows its owner and actually follows you, but it means that to detach yourself from a fart, you really have to drop your pants and kind of wiggle around a bit and set it free. Is this what people do in a toilet stall multiple times a day? And then flush as a decoy because it's more acceptable when people think you made a solid deposit? And back in the kitchens of those restaurants we're eating in, are the cooks back there farting and giggling like on the 6th floor of Arizona/Sonora? Should we order foods that have surface textures that are less likely to allow molecules from the air to attach? Mashed potatoes are probably the worst choice for that.

[Chicat]

After 3.5 billion years of life on this planet, our atmosphere is probably 97% farts. So I wouldn’t even worry about it.

Let ‘em rip and breathe deep Professor.

And if anyone gives you the stink eye just tell them that you are simply adding to life’s abundant glory.

[Merkin]

We all had our own offices for years with a window and door, then they started moving some of us into cubicle farms. I asked those unlucky ones about that. They said they just learned to fart quietly and not worry about the smell.

Fortunately for me, I was fortunate enough and fought hard enough to keep my own office for my entire career.

[Longhorned]

Merkin, that sounds like living on a flight to Tampa.

[scumdevils86]

Back in the office for a 3 day stint this week, first time since everything started. I hate it. So much. I'm so glad I will likely be able to stay home nearly full time going forward.

The commute, the conference rooms, lack of private space, small talk, bad coffee, shared restrooms. It's all awful.

[Longhorned]

Yep. We need to unlearn a lot of shit. We're going back to the same place as different people. Let's try to remember that about our coworkers. They aren't the same either after all that. I have a feeling that if we try to make things easier for everyone by acting like we haven't changed, it's going to make us sick inside.

[Chicat]

I’m about to meet the people I’ve worked with for 5+ weeks in person for the first time.

At a bar no less….

It feels weird.

[Alieberman]

My new job I started a few weeks back is going great (all from home)

This was a great decision!

[Longhorned]

I’m about to meet the people I’ve worked with for 5+ weeks in person for the first time.

At a bar no less….

It feels weird.

That's what the liquor is for.

[scumdevils86]

It's also a real drag that I can't just mute myself and talk shit and curse throughout the day anymore. Or fart whenever I want. Can't wait for Friday to be secure in my home office.

[azgreg]

I’m about to meet the people I’ve worked with for 5+ weeks in person for the first time.

At a bar no less….

It feels weird.

Do they know you're white?

[Longhorned]

This is Chicat's only chance to make a first impression that he's a former commercial airline pilot. It's always a well received conversation topic that raises rep forevermore.

[Longhorned]

I have to go home and come back

[Alieberman]

This is Chicat's only chance to make a first impression that he's a former commercial airline pilot. It's always a well received conversation topic that raises rep forevermore.

No... he's a marine biologist!

[Longhorned]

I have to go home and come back

omg that was supposed to be a text message for my wife

[dovecanyoncat]

This is Chicat's only chance to make a first impression that he's a former commercial airline pilot. It's always a well received conversation topic that raises rep forevermore.

No... he's a marine biologist!

Go for retired astronaut/neurosurgeon. Dream big!

[George Costanza]

This is Chicat's only chance to make a first impression that he's a former commercial airline pilot. It's always a well received conversation topic that raises rep forevermore.

No... he's a marine biologist!

[UAEebs86]

At my work, if you don't show proof of vaccination you have to still wear a mask.

I know there a many reasons someone who is vaccinated might still want to wear a mask, but I find it very hard to not look at anyone wearing a mask without thinking they are some Fox watching anti-vaxxer.

[dovecanyoncat]

I wear a mask for the same reasons I did before I got vaxed.

[Chicat]

[azgreg]

I've been in two Zoom meetings my entire life and both of them could've been an email.

[Longhorned]

I've been in two Zoom meetings my entire life and both of them could've been an email.

What the hell? They just let you do your job all day long?

[Chicat]

I have 2-3 per day. Oftentimes preceded and recapped by emails.

But when you work on $200M in media you have to have that accountability of “I sent you this, we then talked about it, and then I sent you what we talked about” because a minor misunderstanding can lead to a major fuck up.

[UAEebs86]

I've been in two Zoom meetings my entire life and both of them could've been an email.

What the hell? They just let you do your job all day long?

At my work we are going to keep having meetings until we figure out why we can't get any work done.

Next step will probably be a task force on productivity.

[Longhorned]

The allocations in a professor's job:

50% getting dicked around
30% meetings
18% doing your job
2% getting reviewed on the 18% as if it were 100% and coming up with nicer ways to say "getting dicked around"

[azgreg]

I've been in two Zoom meetings my entire life and both of them could've been an email.

What the hell? They just let you do your job all day long?

That's one of the things I like about it here. If you do your job the leave you the fuck alone.

[Merkin]

When I was a working man, had zoom standup first thing in morning with my team (what did you do yesterday, what are you going to do today, any blockers), then end of day we had a zoom meeting with the director and the leads would have to go through their day with him, and many zoom training meetings in between since I was retiring, they weren't filling my position, so had to train 4-5 other people to do portions of what I did.

The end of day zoom with the director was at 4:30, although I stop work at 4, so I generally always had a glass of wine with me. That end of day zoom meeting was spot on to that video.

Yet not once, in all those zoom meetings did I ever once have the urge to pull my pecker out of my pants like that CNN host.

[scumdevils86]

I do anywhere from 2-6 meetings a day on teams or zoom. I stopped turning my camera on a long time ago except for our monthly team meetings. My boss doesn't care.

And agree on what Chi said. We have emails before and after these multiple daily meetings as well. I have multiple vendors that have a problem with delivering things and accountability so most of my day consists of just talking or writing about problems. Not getting actual work done.

[Alieberman]

My current job is all about the zoom meeting.

I'm going from meeting to meeting several times a day.

But I work from home so I am happy to put up with it

[Chicat]

I just had a call where the client was 5 minutes late, then for the first two minutes we couldn’t hear her and the next two she couldn’t hear us. I was cracking the fuck up thinking about that video.