Bear Down Wildcats

Victoria Beckham surprised David Beckham on his 40th birthday.

She sprang out from behind a candle on his birthday cake.

My favorite drawings at the Muhammad cartoon festival in Texas were the two chalk outlines out front.

My wife accused me of being a transvestite.

So I packed her things and left.

Some "jokes" in really poor taste lately.

Anyone with just a good, dumb joke?

Stuff like:

What does batman like in his drinks?

You mean like:

What’s Forrest Gump’s password?

1forest1

I went to the zoo the other day. It was empty, except for a single dog…

It was a Shih Tzu.

How many South Americans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A Brazilian.

What is the difference between the Starship Enterprise and a roll of toilet paper?

Nothing. They both circle Uranus looking for Klingons.

There was an elephant joke or two up above. Anybody remember 'Tom Swifties'?

"Elephants are jumping out of trees", he said flatly.

An old lady walks into Grand Central Station and is all confused by the platform markings so she walks up to an attendant who looked like he would know where she needed to go.

"Excuse me young man, but can you tell me how to get to the platform for the train to Philadelphia?"

"Of course, madam", he replies, "What you do is go down this corridor, all the way to the end - turn left and you'll be right."

"Young man!", she exclaimed, "I asked a straightforward question, why do you have to treat me in such a rude manner? Just give me a straight answer please."

"OK lady, I didn't mean to offend you so I'll try again. What you do is go down this corridor, all the way to the end - turn right and you'll be left."

Doctor: Haven't see you for awhile.

Patient: I know. I've been sick.

I was at a job interview today, and the interviewer said, "It says on your application that you are quick at mental arithmetic. What's seventeen times nineteen?"

I immediately said, "Thirty-six."

He said, "That's not even close."

I said, "But it was quick."

What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves?




Christopher Walken

the real dill wrote:What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves?

The last two guys to play Superman?

(That's what I always tell anyone who incorrectly puts the 's' on the end of Reeve's name, since the guy before him who was Superman was named George Reeves.)

"Is there a hole in your shoe?"

"No."

"Then how'd you get your foot into it?"

My buddy just married a trophy wife.

From the looks of her, he came in third place....

Can be jokey...

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