Venting Thread

JMarkJohns · Post by **JMarkJohns** » Sat Dec 29, 2018 7:16 pm

My best friend has a girl who tricked him into marrying her with promises of stability and, for three years now, has only brought him instability of every variety, and, now, possibly divorce, which, keeping tru to form. She’s waffling on.

All this dude has ever done is support her through some early emotional and physical hell (she was abused as a kid) and find her every attempt at schooling and hobby (hooray CrossFit!). He’s built her up to be enabled and independent and she’s taken this trust and thrown it in his face as though he’s uncaring because he’s not a jealous puddle when she’s off sweating up the floor with her CrossFit hunks.

She screams he doesn’t care, when he fights for the marriage, she runs off.

He tried to arrange counseling. He went. She didn’t.

He planned a trip for Christmas back in November when things seemed positive again, but first week in December and she skips out to live with her CrossFit cult.

He needs to put her out, but he’s too much of a gentleman to do that.

Right now, I just told him he needs to stop being her fall back.

I hope he listens. He deserves better than the shit she’s doing.

ASUCatFan · Post by **ASUCatFan** » Sat Dec 29, 2018 7:47 pm

I was that guy, Jmark, and it sucked. I was also bad at listening to advice. He needs to learn it the hard way, unfortunately.

Longhorned · Post by **Longhorned** » Sat Dec 29, 2018 8:03 pm

The default should be not to be in any marriage or relationship whatsoever, unless there’s specific cause to do otherwise. Just be single. And while you’re at it, just be bald.

RichardCranium · Post by **RichardCranium** » Sun Dec 30, 2018 1:51 am

CalStateTempe wrote:Sounds like you have a great mechanic. I would love to have one that taught me about my car like yours does for you, but instead the dealer makes everything seem to be a critical issue and then I go an independednt guy who does honest work and gets everything done at 1/5th the price.

Honda has a reputation in Australia for having the most expensive service and they are trying hard to bring that down, while trying to keep the maximum possible service levels. So they set fixed price servicing for standard intervals, and no longer charge like a wounded bull for things like window washer detergent. If there is something discovered that is outside the standard service, they let you know whether it is vital or if you just need to know about it. And they don't up sell like yours apparently does. I think there is an Australian watchdog checking up on that sort of thing that actually has teeth - maybe that is the difference.

MrMeow · Post by **MrMeow** » Sun Dec 30, 2018 7:10 am

JMarkJohns wrote:My best friend has a girl who tricked him into marrying her with promises of stability and, for three years now, has only brought him instability of every variety, and, now, possibly divorce, which, keeping tru to form. She’s waffling on.

All this dude has ever done is support her through some early emotional and physical hell (she was abused as a kid) and find her every attempt at schooling and hobby (hooray CrossFit!). He’s built her up to be enabled and independent and she’s taken this trust and thrown it in his face as though he’s uncaring because he’s not a jealous puddle when she’s off sweating up the floor with her CrossFit hunks.

She screams he doesn’t care, when he fights for the marriage, she runs off.

He tried to arrange counseling. He went. She didn’t.

He planned a trip for Christmas back in November when things seemed positive again, but first week in December and she skips out to live with her CrossFit cult.

He needs to put her out, but he’s too much of a gentleman to do that.

Right now, I just told him he needs to stop being her fall back.

I hope he listens. He deserves better than the shit she’s doing.

I just read this. Tell your friend that what he is enduring now will not change in her lifetime, nor in his if he stays with her. The dye is cast. I'm sure your friend is a gentleman, but he's not keeping her around for that reason. He needs to summon his courage and get rid of her - now!

pc in NM · Post by **pc in NM** » Sun Dec 30, 2018 8:35 am

MrMeow wrote:
JMarkJohns wrote:My best friend has a girl who tricked him into marrying her with promises of stability and, for three years now, has only brought him instability of every variety, and, now, possibly divorce, which, keeping tru to form. She’s waffling on.

All this dude has ever done is support her through some early emotional and physical hell (she was abused as a kid) and find her every attempt at schooling and hobby (hooray CrossFit!). He’s built her up to be enabled and independent and she’s taken this trust and thrown it in his face as though he’s uncaring because he’s not a jealous puddle when she’s off sweating up the floor with her CrossFit hunks.

She screams he doesn’t care, when he fights for the marriage, she runs off.

He tried to arrange counseling. He went. She didn’t.

He planned a trip for Christmas back in November when things seemed positive again, but first week in December and she skips out to live with her CrossFit cult.

He needs to put her out, but he’s too much of a gentleman to do that.

Right now, I just told him he needs to stop being her fall back.

I hope he listens. He deserves better than the shit she’s doing.
I just read this. Tell your friend that what he is enduring now will not change in her lifetime, nor in his if he stays with her. The dye is cast. I'm sure your friend is a gentleman, but he's not keeping her around for that reason. He needs to summon his courage and get rid of her - now!

Your friend, himself, needs the counseling, and to get his own shit together....

CalStateTempe · Post by **CalStateTempe** » Sun Dec 30, 2018 8:55 am

My wife and my mother are like oil and water. They like each other and get along but still it’s the little things that come out (especially re the kids) and make these weeklong trips to my moms an anxiety ridden affair.

I love my mom too, but she’s bat shit crazy. But after 38years I’ve come to a place of acceptance and understanding and generally know how to handle her. My wife unfortunately doesn’t.

Also wife is too cheap to get rent a hotel room for the week even though it would be a small price to pay for my sanity.

Day 2....

dovecanyoncat · Post by **dovecanyoncat** » Sun Dec 30, 2018 8:59 am

CalStateTempe wrote:My wife and my mother are like oil and water. They like each other and get along but still it’s the little things that come out (especially re the kids) and make these weeklong trips to my moms an anxiety ridden affair.

I love my mom too, but she’s bat shit crazy. But after 38years I’ve come to a place of acceptance and understanding and generally know how to handle her. My wife unfortunately doesn’t.

Also wife is too cheap to get rent a hotel room for the week even though it would be a small price to pay for my sanity.

Day 2....

That hotel room cost is the best money you'll ever spend, and everyone in the family will be grateful whether they show it or not.

CalStateTempe · Post by **CalStateTempe** » Sun Dec 30, 2018 9:12 am

Yeah this is the third trip over three years and the hook is sinking in stronger than ever.

CalStateTempe · Post by **CalStateTempe** » Sun Dec 30, 2018 10:34 am

Main issues tend to arise around meal times where my mom is lovelingly stuck in the 1960 and tries to ply our children with “the things we ate growing up, kids love it!”

We are trying to stick to portion control, fruits and veggies first before main dishes, and not offering bacon at every breakfast. “How do you like your oatmeal kids, do you want some
Bacon? Yay!!!!” And then we have to look like the bad guy for explaining why we don’t eat bacon every fucking morning. And after I’ve spoken to my mother ad naseum about these type of meal issues in the past. To which I get you’ve been in California too long and she feels it’s like some personal affront to her showing of love as a grandma.

Also it’s really fun....wife is a vegetarian and mom is not. Mom likes to cook and is pretty damn good at it. However even simple sugggestions to a receipt “let’s switch out the chicken stock for vegetable stock in the risotto” throws mom in to a fit of panic throwing her hands up “chicken stock isn’t vegetarian? Well I just don’t know how to cook this type of food, I never do it!!”

Fml...

scumdevils86 · Post by **scumdevils86** » Sun Dec 30, 2018 10:42 am

Your mother and mine seem to have some similarities. Though we don't have kids yet I think it will be rather interesting with my mother once we do...

JMarkJohns · Post by **JMarkJohns** » Sun Dec 30, 2018 10:42 am

MrMeow wrote:
JMarkJohns wrote:My best friend has a girl who tricked him into marrying her with promises of stability and, for three years now, has only brought him instability of every variety, and, now, possibly divorce, which, keeping tru to form. She’s waffling on.

All this dude has ever done is support her through some early emotional and physical hell (she was abused as a kid) and find her every attempt at schooling and hobby (hooray CrossFit!). He’s built her up to be enabled and independent and she’s taken this trust and thrown it in his face as though he’s uncaring because he’s not a jealous puddle when she’s off sweating up the floor with her CrossFit hunks.

She screams he doesn’t care, when he fights for the marriage, she runs off.

He tried to arrange counseling. He went. She didn’t.

He planned a trip for Christmas back in November when things seemed positive again, but first week in December and she skips out to live with her CrossFit cult.

He needs to put her out, but he’s too much of a gentleman to do that.

Right now, I just told him he needs to stop being her fall back.

I hope he listens. He deserves better than the shit she’s doing.
I just read this. Tell your friend that what he is enduring now will not change in her lifetime, nor in his if he stays with her. The dye is cast. I'm sure your friend is a gentleman, but he's not keeping her around for that reason. He needs to summon his courage and get rid of her - now!

He’s a gentleman because he doesn’t want to divorce a woman who was physically abused by her father as a girl, and who was sexually assaulted by a church family counselor in her teens.

The men she’s supposed to trust have all done awful shit to her. He doesn’t want to give up on her if she’s not given up.

I get the logic. I don’t agree and cautioned prior to marriage because I’d seen this current behavior even back than. Makes a mountain of a molehill to test commitment and would be hyper flighty out of the blue.

I get she’s been a victim. But my friend also has gone through some heavy shit in his life including a mom who was certifiable when off meds growing up to the point his dad bolted.

Probably why he refuses to give up on her as well. Sees it as life imitating life.

dovecanyoncat · Post by **dovecanyoncat** » Sun Dec 30, 2018 1:17 pm

CalStateTempe wrote:Main issues tend to arise around meal times where my mom is lovelingly stuck in the 1960 and tries to ply our children with “the things we ate growing up, kids love it!”

We are trying to stick to portion control, fruits and veggies first before main dishes, and not offering bacon at every breakfast. “How do you like your oatmeal kids, do you want some
Bacon? Yay!!!!” And then we have to look like the bad guy for explaining why we don’t eat bacon every fucking morning. And after I’ve spoken to my mother ad naseum about these type of meal issues in the past. To which I get you’ve been in California too long and she feels it’s like some personal affront to her showing of love as a grandma.

Also it’s really fun....wife is a vegetarian and mom is not. Mom likes to cook and is pretty damn good at it. However even simple sugggestions to a receipt “let’s switch out the chicken stock for vegetable stock in the risotto” throws mom in to a fit of panic throwing her hands up “chicken stock isn’t vegetarian? Well I just don’t know how to cook this type of food, I never do it!!”

Fml...

Females in competition is a thing to behold, ain't it?

... especially cross generational- cross bloodline competition. Territory is key to the opposing amygdala in this case. Mom's home turf is like a beckoning, taunting, overpriced hotel room minibar fridge: open me and find out what injustice can be fought over ..... but first, a fatal dose of coffee! My mother rejoices in private to her sons that they have sustained such good partners, but in the segregated female on female moments she does everything she can to erase my wife. Food, ever a part of the traditional female arsenal, lays waste to many family parlays, so neutralizing those elements, territory and native ordinance.....staying in hotels and always going out to eat.....displaces many potential battlefields.

You'll pay royally for life in the DMZ, and not just monetarily. At first you'll be both the bastard and the profligate, but inwardly for everyone you'll be the hero, the masterful peacemaker wise man. If the following year you changed course back to the old way they'd never find your battered body.

MrMeow · Post by **MrMeow** » Sun Dec 30, 2018 3:34 pm

JMarkJohns wrote:
MrMeow wrote:
JMarkJohns wrote:My best friend has a girl who tricked him into marrying her with promises of stability and, for three years now, has only brought him instability of every variety, and, now, possibly divorce, which, keeping tru to form. She’s waffling on.

All this dude has ever done is support her through some early emotional and physical hell (she was abused as a kid) and find her every attempt at schooling and hobby (hooray CrossFit!). He’s built her up to be enabled and independent and she’s taken this trust and thrown it in his face as though he’s uncaring because he’s not a jealous puddle when she’s off sweating up the floor with her CrossFit hunks.

She screams he doesn’t care, when he fights for the marriage, she runs off.

He tried to arrange counseling. He went. She didn’t.

He planned a trip for Christmas back in November when things seemed positive again, but first week in December and she skips out to live with her CrossFit cult.

He needs to put her out, but he’s too much of a gentleman to do that.

Right now, I just told him he needs to stop being her fall back.

I hope he listens. He deserves better than the shit she’s doing.
I just read this. Tell your friend that what he is enduring now will not change in her lifetime, nor in his if he stays with her. The dye is cast. I'm sure your friend is a gentleman, but he's not keeping her around for that reason. He needs to summon his courage and get rid of her - now!
He’s a gentleman because he doesn’t want to divorce a woman who was physically abused by her father as a girl, and who was sexually assaulted by a church family counselor in her teens.

The men she’s supposed to trust have all done awful shit to her. He doesn’t want to give up on her if she’s not given up.

I get the logic. I don’t agree and cautioned prior to marriage because I’d seen this current behavior even back than. Makes a mountain of a molehill to test commitment and would be hyper flighty out of the blue.

I get she’s been a victim. But my friend also has gone through some heavy shit in his life including a mom who was certifiable when off meds growing up to the point his dad bolted.

Probably why he refuses to give up on her as well. Sees it as life imitating life.

Let's hope she doesn't get too carried away with the "mountain out of a molehill" stuff. A friend who is a psychiatrist once told me about a patient (with no identification, obviously) whose wife had been abused by her father. When the patient had his buddies over to play poker, the wife was upset because he wouldn't pass her around for sex with his buddies. Then there was the girl from Arkansas who took a bath with her sisters every Saturday, and they couldn't get out of the bathtub until they gave all the men blow jobs. Yeah, it gets weird. What some men do to women makes me want to throw up - or take target practice.

CalStateTempe · Post by **CalStateTempe** » Mon Dec 31, 2018 9:13 am

Apparently tortillas with lard vs tortillas without lard are this mornings fiasco

“But I eat them and I’m not fat”. Um that’s not the point.

Smh. Im dreaming of life in the DMZ right about now.

scumdevils86 · Post by **scumdevils86** » Mon Dec 31, 2018 9:20 am

Mmm lard tortillas. With chorizo and eggs and potatoes and some spicy avocado salsa.

CalStateTempe · Post by **CalStateTempe** » Mon Dec 31, 2018 9:34 am

Yes and I agree and my suggestion that I would help make enchiladas with tortilla without lard was met with a “well I just don’t know”

I’m frustrated because you’d think that after 12 years she’d get a clue. Politely reminding my wife is a vegetarian. And if offering to help with meal planning, shopping, etc etc.

I get if she’s nebulous at best or uncaring for my wife at worst, but you’d think she’d at least try not to make things more difficult for me.

CalStateTempe · Post by **CalStateTempe** » Mon Dec 31, 2018 9:35 am

I gotta accept that at 68 my mom ain’t changing.

pc in NM · Post by **pc in NM** » Mon Dec 31, 2018 10:17 am

CalStateTempe wrote:Yes and I agree and my suggestion that I would help make enchiladas with tortilla without lard was met with a “well I just don’t know”

I’m frustrated because you’d think that after 12 years she’d get a clue. Politely reminding my wife is a vegetarian. And if offering to help with meal planning, shopping, etc etc.

I get if she’s nebulous at best or uncaring for my wife at worst, but you’d think she’d at least try not to make things more difficult for me.

Mexican food without lard is a mortal sin, not to mention, a deep offense to Our Lady of Guadalupe!!

Just sayin'....

CalStateTempe · Post by **CalStateTempe** » Tue Jan 01, 2019 9:14 am

And this morning I lost it...griswald no bonus style...

Things I’ve learned about myself in life. I’m good for about 48hrs in Vegas and Disneyland. I’m good for about 3 days at my moms house. Last night we had a discussion about portion control and how I’ll stsrt giving the kids their food. Nothing personal just how we want to do things for our kids. Of course mom takes it personal...

This morning I preparing breakfast. Asked oldest if she wanted eggs and bacon or oatmeal. She clearly said oatmeal. Mom asked if she wants bacon (wtf is it with her a bacon) and oldest said clear no thank you. I looked to mom and stated how glad I am my oldest expressed her wishes for breakfast.

I step out for 2 minutes and come back and there is a healing plate of fuckignnbacon infront of my daughter. And I lose my shit. My mom says Victoria asked for it, and I asked Victoria and she said “gramma gave it to me”. which made me more irate because i fell my mom things it’s like a game now because I find it incredible disrespectful to me and my family among other smaller incidents that have gone on through out the trip.

Compounding things, I don’t come form a family of measured discussion, and I am complicit too. I’m not good with polite speech during charged topics in my personal life. I’m mush better professionally and this weakness of mine is something I’ve had to develop in my adult life because I’ve had too and didn’t really have this example growing up. My wife’s family are saints they discuss things listen to other people’s perspectives and try to come to a decent solution without taking things too personal. My family is the complete opposite.

Anyways I’ve sorry to dominate this thread the past two days, I’m trying to write in jest and get it out, but these trips home are so incredibly stressful. I try to accept my mother for who she is but god damn it’s so tough at times. I wish/pray things where different it that pissing in the wind when the other party is too ignorant and stubborn to look outside themselves to change. There are clear reasons why I only make this trip about every 18months. Wish it could be more frequent but they are just really difficult trips and not a good way for my to “decompress from the office”

Maybe this is tmi but you guys are great support for shit like this.

ASUHATER! · Post by **ASUHATER!** » Tue Jan 01, 2019 9:39 am

My main take away from that is you have a kid that for some reason chooses oatmeal over bacon.

CalStateTempe · Post by **CalStateTempe** » Tue Jan 01, 2019 9:42 am

ASUHATER! wrote:My main take away from that is you have a kid that for some reason chooses oatmeal over bacon.

yeah, I know, weird right?

dovecanyoncat · Post by **dovecanyoncat** » Tue Jan 01, 2019 9:44 am

"I don't come from a family of measured discussion."

I want this on a Tee shirt, a tattoo, a bumper sticker, a billboard, Mt. Rushmore, distilled into serum and injected into mainline Americana. I salute you CST!

Don't blame the bacon! Bacon is innocent!

pc in NM · Post by **pc in NM** » Tue Jan 01, 2019 11:38 am

CalStateTempe wrote:
ASUHATER! wrote:My main take away from that is you have a kid that for some reason chooses oatmeal over bacon.
yeah, I know, weird right?

I resolved similar conflict issues with my own mother (but not, unfortunately, until I was in my early 40’s....

And it was so simple! I just decided to accept her for who she was, and to expect exactly the behaviors that previously set me off, hurt my feelings, or that I had attempted to “rationally” discuss/solve...

... after that conscious choice, I predicted her behavior (Pretty well, BTW), recognized that was just who she was, and, when she occasionally “surprised” me with a kindness, an apology, or whatever, found those to be moments to cherish (without making any big deal).

Looking back, I’ve always been surprised that it took me so long to do this, but was grateful (to myself) ever since. And, when that inevitable time came where she was totally dependent, requiring active care taking and unable to communicate effectively at all, I found it easy to be there for her with no resentment or regrets....

Alieberman · Post by **Alieberman** » Tue Jan 01, 2019 11:54 am

Some advise CST-

Don't sweat the small stuff. Grandparents are NEVER going to parent the way you parent.... and they are never going to listen to you. And they will always be throwing mounds of crappy food down your kids throats. Just accept that it's vacation and normal rules don't apply. When you get back to your house, your routine will still be there and your kids will get it. They know there are rules and then there are "Gramma rules"

We had the same struggles you had and I thought my wife was going to lose it.... but finally we said Fuck It.... and all is good.

It sounds like like you need to tell your Mom to watch the kids for a night... feed them anything she wants, while you surprise your wife with a date night and a hotel room... it will chill everybody out.

Frybry02 · Post by **Frybry02** » Tue Jan 01, 2019 9:27 pm

What the basketball board has become...

Longhorned · Post by **Longhorned** » Sun Jan 06, 2019 9:44 pm

If any of you are looking to make a lot of money fast, just send an invoice to my wife. Don't even bother to clarify what it's for, and why it costs what you're charging her. She'll gladly remit full payment immediately.

ASUHATER! · Post by **ASUHATER!** » Sun Jan 06, 2019 10:12 pm

Longhorned wrote:If any of you are looking to make a lot of money fast, just send an invoice to my wife. Don't even bother to clarify what it's for, and why it costs what you're charging her. She'll gladly remit full payment immediately.

On it!

PieceOfMeat · Post by **PieceOfMeat** » Wed Jan 16, 2019 8:11 am

Don't ask my "honest opinion" on something.

Chances are, if you're asking for that, you're probably aware that what you're doing (or contemplating doing) is a dumbass thing to do.

I'm not here to assuage your worry that you're a dumbass.

Because frankly, you're a fucking dumbass. So take your privileged life and go shove it up your ass sideways and waddle on with your day you dumb fuck.

CatsbyAZ · Post by **CatsbyAZ** » Wed Jan 16, 2019 11:24 am

CalStateTempe wrote:And this morning I lost it...griswald no bonus style...

Things I’ve learned about myself in life. I’m good for about 48hrs in Vegas and Disneyland. I’m good for about 3 days at my moms house. Last night we had a discussion about portion control and how I’ll stsrt giving the kids their food. Nothing personal just how we want to do things for our kids. Of course mom takes it personal...

This morning I preparing breakfast. Asked oldest if she wanted eggs and bacon or oatmeal. She clearly said oatmeal. Mom asked if she wants bacon (wtf is it with her a bacon) and oldest said clear no thank you. I looked to mom and stated how glad I am my oldest expressed her wishes for breakfast.

I step out for 2 minutes and come back and there is a healing plate of fuckignnbacon infront of my daughter. And I lose my shit. My mom says Victoria asked for it, and I asked Victoria and she said “gramma gave it to me”. which made me more irate because i fell my mom things it’s like a game now because I find it incredible disrespectful to me and my family among other smaller incidents that have gone on through out the trip.

Anyone on here ever read or heard of the novel The Corrections by Jonathan Franzen? I haven't come across another author who captures the dynamic described above so well, and what happened above reads exactly like the scenes of the mother in laws cooking from second section.

CalStateTempe · Post by **CalStateTempe** » Wed Jan 16, 2019 12:25 pm

Thanks CatsbyAz will check it out here.

And thanks to all who shared their experiences in similar situations.. Alieb, we took your advice for a few date nights out of it! Mom got grand baby time sole to herself and could feed whatever she wanted and wife and I got some alone time to go out to places we wouldn’t with kids and catch up with my high school friends.

Dove...you just have projected into my wife....part of our discussion on the drive home we exploring eventually getting a condo to crash in, especially as the kids get older and my mom gets older; we both want make more visits to AZ during the year.

PC thank you as well, taking a step back and recognizing everything for what it was lent itself to greater peace at the end of the trip. Your post resonated with me.

CatsbyAZ · Post by **CatsbyAZ** » Wed Jan 16, 2019 4:07 pm

CalStateTempe wrote:Thanks CatsbyAz will check it out here.

Sure thing CST. If I may elaborate, I once played the child in my larger family's cold war over food. For a bit of background my Polish grandmother is a living survivor of the Siberian Gulags back in the 1940s. After surviving, marrying a Royal Air Force Officer she found near London, and making their way across the Atlantic she settled down and raised for boys, including my Dad, on the East Coast. She never allowed her boys to throw away food, not after surviving the labor camps where fellow prisoners starved to death.

Fast forward to when my brothers and I are all about 3 - 7 years old. We ended up puke-sick the during the first night of a Christmas visit because as light eaters we couldn't handle the heavier meats our grandparents ate en masse. It didn't help things with my Mom that us boys were yelled at by my grandparents for "wasting food" by tossing bits of kielbasa to the dogs. And while I was vomiting that first night I could hear my Mom bitterly complaining to my Dad how "grandma never drains the grease."

The next day, after grandma loaded up our plates with the leftovers of what had made us sick the night before, my Mom waited until she'd left the room to empty our plates of all the meats. She was shoveling meat into the trashcan when my grandma walked back in. There was a shouting match and our mealtime was ruined.

Later that night my Mom told us to feed whatever we wanted to the dogs. My brothers and I got pretty good about sneaking bits of meat under the table to the waiting dogs until there was another shouting match and ruined dinner which resulted in my Mom taking us boys to a hotel for a few nights until grandma agreed that only Mom would serve our plates.

azgreg · Post by **azgreg** » Fri Feb 08, 2019 5:53 pm

My PC is really pissing me off. This problem started a few days ago. When you right click something it brings up a box with all the available options, copy, print, inspect, etc. Now that box is transparent more often then not. You can see the outline of the box as if it's a window in front of the monitor. Sometimes by moving the mouse around the options will appear but not often. It also happens with my bookmark tabs.

I'm begging to suspect my video card. I've done a virus and malware scan but they have come up clean.

EVCat · Post by **EVCat** » Mon Mar 18, 2019 2:57 pm

After having my Achilles re-attached and 2 discs removed from my neck last summer due to sports-related injuries, and finally getting my Achilles rehabbed enough to start playing without restriction again, I dislocated my shoulder diving for a ball (baseball) and will require a third surgery in 10 months to repair my labrum (osseous Bankart lesion) and something called the Glenoid Rim.

My deductibles went up this year, so a year after hitting max out of pocket, I am back dishing out thousands to repair another injury. All for weekend warrioring.

Frustrating.

scumdevils86 · Post by **scumdevils86** » Mon Mar 18, 2019 3:47 pm

You could just work 60 hours a week, 6 days a week and be exhausted and slowly getting fatter and more sedentary like yours truly instead. Sounds healthier

EVCat · Post by **EVCat** » Wed Mar 20, 2019 12:34 pm

scumdevils86 wrote:You could just work 60 hours a week, 6 days a week and be exhausted and slowly getting fatter and more sedentary like yours truly instead. Sounds healthier

If I wasn't such a competitive bastard, I would take that, except I feel I have truly reached my zenith in life by creating a unique skill set that allows me to be paid reasonably well (not rich, for sure...but comfortable) while doing no more than 45 hours a week and never working a weekend.

I have to put up with some shit to be there, but the "individual contributor" and "project manager" role is a nice one. I am hoping to get to the grave (no time soon) having never managed the day to day HR crap of people. I don't want to know why you are sick...I don't want to determine your raise.

Just get my stuff done in time for me to meet project goals, and we are good.

Younger people, take this bit of advice...being able to write and communicate effectively is becoming more and more valued. In lesser quantities, sure, but I am floored on a daily basis how poorly "smart" people write everything from informative emails to large-scale communication. I mostly manage risk, but one of my key skills is being able to write what I am seeing effectively, and make my own policy/prodedural updates without having to engage technical writers. That skill, alone, probably keeps my dream of being on my own island (side arrow) afloat.

That said...I could probably stand to take it easier on the field.

JMarkJohns · Post by **JMarkJohns** » Fri Mar 22, 2019 12:35 pm

25 years ago Mike was diagnosed with late-stage terminal cancer. He was given weeks to live.

Mike, a 20+ Marine Vet, said fuck that death sentence, and proceeded to undergo the most aggressive cancer treatments/transformations I have ever seen. 6-4, 235 pounds before just under lethal doses of chemo, Mike depleted to just under 160 pounds at his thinnest. But he shrunk the shit enough that Docs felt confident enough to attempt other treatments.

He ravaged his body to add a few more years. As it turns out, he added decades.

However, the aggressive treatment reared it’s monstrous head these last two weeks, where an otherwise healthy retirement-aged man, had his liver and kidneys just outright die, Drs say out of likely chemo poisoning.

The man is only behind my dad and grandpa for most important person in my life. He was always encouraging to me, even my punkass junior high self who was always doing stupid shit and getting suspended. He helped get me involved in sports, and, ultimately our shared love of sports helped me land my first gig out of HS, as the newspaper statistician that lead to so much, including my involvement in the GOAZCATS community.

He recommended me for the job because he knew the editor and said “This guy knows more about sports than almanacs.”

Later in life upon returning to Yuma, he helped me learn different home improvement projects.

Last night he died with 3 kids and 15 grandkids, all 15 born in these 25 stolen years.

I’m so pissed that his salavation was his suicide. Those aggressive treatments bought him decades, and I know he’d not do it differently, but it is awful that the stall decided to end so abruptly.

2 years ago tomorrow I photographed him surrounded by his entire family. It was wonderful and joyous and you could see a great joy that he was still a part of it.

I can’t believe he’s gone. Honestly, know what he survived to get to this point, I’m shocked.

We gotta find a cure that’s more of a cure and less of a prolonged replacement of death.

scumdevils86 · Post by **scumdevils86** » Mon Mar 25, 2019 12:17 pm

At the out patient surgery center for an upper GI endoscopy. Fun.

dovecanyoncat · Post by **dovecanyoncat** » Mon Mar 25, 2019 2:15 pm

Arranging moving. Canceled ATT. Guess what: no prorated cancellation anymore. Motherfuckers. I guess some vile beancounter determined it brought in more $ on average than charging cancellation fees. Also: when reserving Penske trucks, remember that a reservation is mitigated by whether they actually have the truck you want on the day you want it. Don't trust websites. Deal with hominids; vile as they are they beat the alternative.

Frybry02 · Post by **Frybry02** » Mon Mar 25, 2019 10:05 pm

I swear my wife's Equinox has a cloak on invisibility. Every time I drive it, there is at least one dumbass that either turns left right or pulls out in front of me that requires me brake hard!

Also, Tucson used to get a lot of shit for their piss ass quality roads. Some of the roads in here in Phoenix are absolutely horrendous. Have you been on Thunderbird west of I-17 lately to 59th ave? It's like my crater face back in high school.

dovecanyoncat · Post by **dovecanyoncat** » Fri Mar 29, 2019 4:13 pm

I'm never gonna move again.

I'm never gonna move again.

I'm never gonna move again.

I'm never gonna move again.

pc in NM · Post by **pc in NM** » Fri Mar 29, 2019 4:30 pm

scumdevils86 wrote:At the out patient surgery center for an upper GI endoscopy. Fun.

By all rights, you should be treated to dinner and a movie, first....

Post by **UAdevil** » Fri Mar 29, 2019 4:34 pm

scumdevils86 wrote:At the out patient surgery center for an upper GI endoscopy. Fun.

My wife had the same on the 13th. No fun, but usually pretty fast. We were in an out in an hour and a half.

azgreg · Post by **azgreg** » Fri Mar 29, 2019 4:42 pm

dovecanyoncat wrote:I'm never gonna move again.

I'm never gonna move again.

I'm never gonna move again.

I'm never gonna move again.

While I was at Arizona I moved three years in a row on New Year's day.

UAEebs86 · Post by **UAEebs86** » Fri Mar 29, 2019 4:50 pm

UAdevil wrote:
scumdevils86 wrote:At the out patient surgery center for an upper GI endoscopy. Fun.

My wife had the same on the 13th. No fun, but usually pretty fast. We were in an out in an hour and a half.

Had one Wed. New doctor doesn't even use an anesthesiologist, just propofol. Took less than 9 minutes for the procedure itself. It was like my 7th upper GI. Kid stuff.

The real fun is at the other end when you turn 50. The prep is horrible.

scumdevils86 · Post by **scumdevils86** » Fri Mar 29, 2019 5:20 pm

The propofol was crazy. Whole thing only took like 20 mins.

dovecanyoncat · Post by **dovecanyoncat** » Fri Mar 29, 2019 7:11 pm

azgreg wrote:
dovecanyoncat wrote:I'm never gonna move again.

I'm never gonna move again.

I'm never gonna move again.

I'm never gonna move again.
While I was at Arizona I moved three years in a row on New Year's day.

That's insane, and honestly I don't know how to comprehend how you pulled that off. You deserve either worship or execution.

ASUHATER! · Post by **ASUHATER!** » Fri Mar 29, 2019 7:14 pm

Better than moving in Arizona on 3 straight August 1st

UAEebs86 · Post by **UAEebs86** » Fri Mar 29, 2019 7:20 pm

There was this wicked pothole over on Los Reales by the dump

Rather than fix it right away, they first spray painted yellow around it so you could see it better.

Then a day or two later, they put a cone in front of it.

A couple days later, it was fixed with so much asphalt it sticks up several inches and is now basically a speed bump.

ASUHATER! · Post by **ASUHATER!** » Fri Mar 29, 2019 7:39 pm

After all the rain we've had this winter I'm used to massive 12 inch deep pot holes in every street in town.

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