The Random Thoughts Thread

Chicat · Post by **Chicat** » Tue Apr 19, 2022 1:49 pm

I was just diagnosed with a masturbation addiction.

I’m pretty sure I’m going to beat it.

Longhorned · Post by **Longhorned** » Mon Apr 25, 2022 12:34 pm

Am I the only one here who packs extra underwear for trips just in case. Like, just in case what?

Chicat · Post by **Chicat** » Mon Apr 25, 2022 1:58 pm

Depends on where you are going. If there’s a pool/beach involved, make sure you bring 3x. If you’ll be sitting in a conference room, just bring 1 extra pair in case you intentionally shit yourself to get out of the afternoon session.

Longhorned · Post by **Longhorned** » Mon Apr 25, 2022 2:29 pm

Chicat wrote: ↑Mon Apr 25, 2022 1:58 pm If you’ll be sitting in a conference room, just bring 1 extra pair in case you intentionally shit yourself to get out of the afternoon session.

I usually just fake an injury.

Longhorned · Post by **Longhorned** » Wed Apr 27, 2022 12:38 pm

I have a problem I need some advice for. I was in Time Market two weeks ago and their sound system was playing some stupid old song by Sting. How do I get the damn thing from replaying in my brain every second of the day? It's ruining my life.

The words go something like:

If I build this fortress around your heart,
Intentions you have desde gong fong wah (?),
And if you build a bridge,
Or can I build a heron (?),
And let me slip zapatos on a longjohn (?).

Chicat · Post by **Chicat** » Wed Apr 27, 2022 1:01 pm

Lobotomy

dovecanyoncat · Post by **dovecanyoncat** » Wed Apr 27, 2022 3:23 pm

A substitute tune implanted during a post-alcohol-infused nap, followed by alcohol and mindless hotel room television.

Longhorned · Post by **Longhorned** » Wed Apr 27, 2022 3:42 pm

dovecanyoncat wrote: ↑Wed Apr 27, 2022 3:23 pm A substitute tune implanted during a post-alcohol-infused nap, followed by alcohol and mindless hotel room television.

But it has to be an equally annoying song to supplant the currently lodged song, right? Your punishing brain isn't going to trade an aisle seat for a middle seat.

dovecanyoncat · Post by **dovecanyoncat** » Wed Apr 27, 2022 4:04 pm

Longhorned wrote: ↑Wed Apr 27, 2022 3:42 pm
dovecanyoncat wrote: ↑Wed Apr 27, 2022 3:23 pm A substitute tune implanted during a post-alcohol-infused nap, followed by alcohol and mindless hotel room television.
But it has to be an equally annoying song to supplant the currently lodged song, right? Your punishing brain isn't going to trade an aisle seat for a middle seat.

I've found that further torment needn't be involved. I use as the replacement tune something I actually enjoy, something historically anchored in innocence, naivete, when my world was expanding and wasn't accreting under the gravity of later-stage life. There are rhythms and chord progressions deeply ingrained in our aesthetic being, and with the help of alcohol and persistent, profound regret we can tap into them.

Merkin · Post by **Merkin** » Wed Apr 27, 2022 4:30 pm

If memory serves, someone posted at TOS that the best way to get rid of earworms is to sing that song as loud as you can.

azgreg · Post by **azgreg** » Thu Apr 28, 2022 3:44 pm

I'm going to a funeral and a wedding on Saturday.

UAEebs86 · Post by **UAEebs86** » Thu Apr 28, 2022 3:45 pm

azgreg wrote: ↑Thu Apr 28, 2022 3:44 pm I'm going to a funeral and a wedding on Saturday.

The Circle of Life. Mix in a baptism.

Longhorned · Post by **Longhorned** » Thu Apr 28, 2022 3:48 pm

azgreg wrote: ↑Thu Apr 28, 2022 3:44 pm I'm going to a funeral and a wedding on Saturday.

If you go to a funeral while going to a wedding and burp and fart at the same time, you'll explode.

dovecanyoncat · Post by **dovecanyoncat** » Thu Apr 28, 2022 4:59 pm

UAEebs86 wrote: ↑Thu Apr 28, 2022 3:45 pm
azgreg wrote: ↑Thu Apr 28, 2022 3:44 pm I'm going to a funeral and a wedding on Saturday.
The Circle of Life. Mix in a baptism.

followed by a Bris and a cremation.

Merkin · Post by **Merkin** » Thu Apr 28, 2022 5:13 pm

azgreg wrote: ↑Thu Apr 28, 2022 3:44 pm I'm going to a funeral and a wedding on Saturday.

Just remember it's OK to pick up chicks at a wedding, but not a funeral.

Don't get confused on that. You will feel guilty in the morning.

dovecanyoncat · Post by **dovecanyoncat** » Thu Apr 28, 2022 5:21 pm

Merkin wrote: ↑Thu Apr 28, 2022 5:13 pm
azgreg wrote: ↑Thu Apr 28, 2022 3:44 pm I'm going to a funeral and a wedding on Saturday.
Just remember it's OK to pick up chicks at a wedding, but not a funeral.

Don't get confused on that. You will feel guilty in the morning.

Now this is complicated: chicks naturally ovulate at weddings, so they're generally horny then, so it's really more of their doing. Also, I have trouble imagining Greg feeling guilty about anything.

azgreg · Post by **azgreg** » Fri Apr 29, 2022 5:28 am

Merkin wrote: ↑Thu Apr 28, 2022 5:13 pm
azgreg wrote: ↑Thu Apr 28, 2022 3:44 pm I'm going to a funeral and a wedding on Saturday.
Just remember it's OK to pick up chicks at a wedding, but not a funeral.

Don't get confused on that. You will feel guilty in the morning.

New movie idea: "Funeral Crashers"

Longhorned · Post by **Longhorned** » Fri Apr 29, 2022 9:22 am

azgreg wrote:New movie idea: "Funeral Crashers"

Longhorned wrote: ↑Wed Mar 02, 2022 12:23 pm If I were still a memorial service-crashing single guy, I might try out this pick-up line:

"We have our choice of internment or cremation, but why not canning? If it preserves two servings of Dinty Moore stew for time immemorial, surely it could preserve you. All you'd need is a bigger can!"

azgreg · Post by **azgreg** » Sat Apr 30, 2022 9:42 pm

Today was quite the day.

UAEebs86 · Post by **UAEebs86** » Mon May 02, 2022 6:23 am

Why does Twitter continuously suggest "Rap" as something to follow for someone who is whiter than sour cream?

Chicat · Post by **Chicat** » Mon May 02, 2022 7:52 am

UAEebs86 wrote: ↑Mon May 02, 2022 6:23 am Why does Twitter continuously suggest "Rap" as something to follow for someone who is whiter than sour cream?

They suggest Boise State and Wyoming athletics to me all the time. As if 90% of my Twitter interactions don’t have to do with UA.

84Cat · Post by **84Cat** » Mon May 02, 2022 8:34 am

Use the extension "Better Twitter". You can hide all the bs you don't want.

Longhorned · Post by **Longhorned** » Thu May 05, 2022 1:18 pm

Am I the only one here who's ever hired a contractor to do a home renovation, and then suddenly spotted the exact blue I want for the walls on a handy package of tampons, and then engaged the workers in a spirited conversation while passing around said box of tampons and holding it up against various surfaces as my wife seethed in silence and wanted to vanish on the spot?

dovecanyoncat · Post by **dovecanyoncat** » Thu May 05, 2022 1:34 pm

She should play along. "Hon, I like this shade of your Viagra blue much better." Shake, shake, rattle.

Merkin · Post by **Merkin** » Thu May 05, 2022 2:32 pm

I think most men know that pre-menopausal women use tampons.

I never minded buying them at the store for my wife and daughter. Although that always reminded me of Michael Keaton buying maxi-pads for his wife.

Longhorned · Post by **Longhorned** » Sat May 21, 2022 8:41 am

Regardless of what I project in professional and social settings, I'm honestly the kind of person who would first fully commit to becoming widely known as a "chicken evangelist", and only then start to ask what earning that title might actually entail.

Longhorned · Post by **Longhorned** » Mon Jun 06, 2022 5:20 am

I dreamed I was in some unspecified country where you raise your glasses, clink them together, and say, "Make piss!"

Chicat · Post by **Chicat** » Mon Jun 06, 2022 6:47 am

Sounds like Russia.

dovecanyoncat · Post by **dovecanyoncat** » Mon Jun 06, 2022 8:43 am

It's a beautiful drive from Tremonton to Pocatello.

84Cat · Post by **84Cat** » Mon Jun 06, 2022 8:46 am

dovecanyoncat wrote: ↑Mon Jun 06, 2022 8:43 am It's a beautiful drive from Tremonton to Pocatello.

A lot of beautiful drives in Utah & Idaho.

dovecanyoncat · Post by **dovecanyoncat** » Mon Jun 06, 2022 10:43 am

84Cat wrote: ↑Mon Jun 06, 2022 8:46 am
dovecanyoncat wrote: ↑Mon Jun 06, 2022 8:43 am It's a beautiful drive from Tremonton to Pocatello.
A lot of beautiful drives in Utah & Idaho.

In a month or so it will be tolerable in Montana weatherwise.

dovecanyoncat · Post by **dovecanyoncat** » Mon Jun 06, 2022 11:10 am

Appoloosas and Ospreys and Beaverhead buckets of 49 degree rain. "Shitfar son, it don't git no betterniss!"

Carcassdragger · Post by **Carcassdragger** » Mon Jun 06, 2022 2:27 pm

I have a visceral reaction every time I see anyone wearing ASSU garb. I automatically have a bad opinion of them.

Shouldn't really be this way.

Longhorned · Post by **Longhorned** » Mon Jun 06, 2022 7:51 pm

I was watching the Simpsons tonight and Ned Flanders refused to gamble in Las Vegas, citing Deuteronomy 7.

So, I looked up Deuteronomy 7. It said nothing about gambling.

But let me tell you: If one of those crackpots with a bible in front of the Student Union stops you to "chat", make him read out loud Deuteronomy 7, and tell him to go fuck himself.

Chicat · Post by **Chicat** » Mon Jun 06, 2022 9:29 pm

Longhorned wrote: ↑Mon Jun 06, 2022 7:51 pm I was watching the Simpsons tonight and Ned Flanders refused to gamble in Las Vegas, citing Deuteronomy 7.

So, I looked up Deuteronomy 7. It said nothing about gambling.

But let me tell you: If one of those crackpots with a bible in front of the Student Union stops you to "chat", make him read out loud Deuteronomy 7, and tell him to go fuck himself.

Ah yes, one of those “God loves you, so go slaughter all the unbelievers” passages.

If any Christian actually read the Bible they’d be both titillated and horrified.

dovecanyoncat · Post by **dovecanyoncat** » Tue Jun 07, 2022 5:09 am

If I end up in the Missoula county jail will one of you call in a tactical nuke strike. I'll make it worth your while.

Chicat · Post by **Chicat** » Tue Jun 07, 2022 7:00 am

dovecanyoncat wrote: ↑Tue Jun 07, 2022 5:09 am If I end up in the Missoula county jail will one of you call in a tactical nuke strike. I'll make it worth your while.

On the jail? Or somewhere nearby as a distraction?

dovecanyoncat · Post by **dovecanyoncat** » Tue Jun 07, 2022 11:57 am

Chicat wrote: ↑Tue Jun 07, 2022 7:00 am
dovecanyoncat wrote: ↑Tue Jun 07, 2022 5:09 am If I end up in the Missoula county jail will one of you call in a tactical nuke strike. I'll make it worth your while.
On the jail? Or somewhere nearby as a distraction?

Right on top of my fucking cell. I'll supply sub-meter accuracy on the GPS coordinates. Just give my wife time to reach minimum safe distance.

UAEebs86 · Post by **UAEebs86** » Tue Jun 07, 2022 11:59 am

Longhorned · Post by **Longhorned** » Mon Jun 13, 2022 5:43 am

Imagine you go to the airport and a guy asks you, "What's your favorite color?" You say, "uh, blue?" and he goes, "American Airlines flight 1455 to LaGuardia has an on time departure at 2:40 from gate A14."

"How the hell did you do that?" you ask. "Sleight of hand!" he says. "Any child could do it."

And then he turns to a little girl and says, "What's your favorite color, sweetie?" She says, "Green!" and he says, "Well, you can tell your mommy and daddy that Delta Airlines flight 2241 to Atlanta has an on time departure at 3:05 from gate B2." And her family bursts with astonished delight.

And then you spend your whole flight to LaGuardia completely disturbed.

EastCoastCat · Post by **EastCoastCat** » Mon Jun 13, 2022 5:51 am

Longhorned wrote: ↑Mon Jun 13, 2022 5:43 am Imagine you go to the airport and a guy asks you, "What's your favorite color?" You say, "uh, blue?" and he goes, "American Airlines flight 1455 to LaGuardia has an on time departure at 2:40 from gate A14."

"How the hell did you do that?" you ask. "Sleight of hand!" he says. "Any child could do it."

And then he turns to a little girl and says, "What's your favorite color, sweetie?" She says, "Green!" and he says, "Well, you can tell your mommy and daddy that Delta Airlines flight 2241 to Atlanta has an on time departure at 3:05 from gate B2." And her family bursts with astonished delight.

And then you spend your whole flight to LaGuardia completely disturbed.

EastCoastCat · Post by **EastCoastCat** » Mon Jun 13, 2022 11:05 am

So I had a dream last night about this community (I really do need to get a life btw).

The entire community was assembled at some rented out restaurant/bar. There was a stage with music and performers. Tables with different "groups" that were seated and a couple of booths where people were waiting in line to meet or talk to someone. Of course, I can't recall which posters were doing what and where but the thought struck me if that did happen what would it look like?

I do remember a lot of drinks and laughter going on.

Longhorned · Post by **Longhorned** » Mon Jun 13, 2022 11:39 am

EastCoastCat wrote: ↑Mon Jun 13, 2022 11:05 am So I had a dream last night about this community (I really do need to get a life btw).

The entire community was assembled at some rented out restaurant/bar. There was a stage with music and performers. Tables with different "groups" that were seated and a couple of booths where people were waiting in line to meet or talk to someone. Of course, I can't recall which posters were doing what and where but the thought struck me if that did happen what would it look like?

I do remember a lot of drinks and laughter going on.

I think the way to make that happen is Vegas during the conference tourney. We should all do it.

Longhorned · Post by **Longhorned** » Thu Jun 16, 2022 8:05 pm

Damn good: A sandwich on baguette with butter, malden salt, grapes, and dijon mustard

scumdevils86 · Post by **scumdevils86** » Thu Jun 16, 2022 10:33 pm

That does sound good. I have a baguette and some mortadella and capocolla. Not sure exactly how I want to proceed. Olive tapenade? Some brie? Romesco sauce? Not sure.

UAEebs86 · Post by **UAEebs86** » Fri Jun 17, 2022 1:00 pm

WTF?

Longhorned · Post by **Longhorned** » Tue Jun 21, 2022 1:00 pm

We've got these boomer-aged worker guys in front of our house cutting up boards for a project. My wife and I were pulling up in the car and I said, "Hey! Can you think of a wise-ass, sexist crack I can lay on these guys for a big laugh at your expense?"

"No," she said.

"Well what am I supposed to do?" I said. "Walk past them in silence like some liberal, white collar pansy?"

"Yes," she said.

dovecanyoncat · Post by **dovecanyoncat** » Tue Jun 21, 2022 3:01 pm

Don't be hard on yourself. It took balls like Death Stars just to pose the question in the first place: certified Bob Sweeney approved.

dovecanyoncat · Post by **dovecanyoncat** » Wed Jun 22, 2022 12:46 pm

Buying a used two-mile plug-in hybrid. Phoenix has to be good for something.

84Cat · Post by **84Cat** » Wed Jun 22, 2022 1:34 pm

dovecanyoncat wrote: ↑Wed Jun 22, 2022 12:46 pm Buying a used two-mile plug-in hybrid. Phoenix has to be good for something.

Prius Prime?

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