Bear Down Wildcats

Here’s what I’ve found out to be the best method to keep parents sane. Fill baby up with formula before bedtime. They sleep longer. We did this on out third, 10# girl, she slept through the night first night home.

Also sleep when baby sleeps.

The very first mistake we made with our first born was using cloth diapers. As soon as he would wet, he would wake up. It was awful. So after a month, switched to disposables which soak everything up.

scumdevils86 wrote: ↑Wed Jan 27, 2021 8:34 am I go to bed at 8 half the time now anyway. I couldn't tell you the last time my wife and I went to dinner (pre Covid) before 7 pm. We're typically happy hour type 4-6 pm diners

My wife and I used to go to the 4pm-5pm early bird discounted dinners when we were much younger and had small kids. We were by far the youngest people there. Do they even have those discounted early bird dinners anymore, even pre-Covid? Senior dinners?

Now we are more inclined to go out for breakfast and lunch.

We're planning on cloth diapering but idk how different they are now vs 20-30 years ago. And yea, we've never been 8/9 pm dinner type people. Hell even when we have friends over for a get together we usually start between 3 and 5 and everyone is in bed or home by 11 or so.

scumdevils86 wrote: ↑Wed Jan 27, 2021 2:17 pm We're planning on cloth diapering but idk how different they are now vs 20-30 years ago. And yea, we've never been 8/9 pm dinner type people. Hell even when we have friends over for a get together we usually start between 3 and 5 and everyone is in bed or home by 11 or so.

Congrats! We tried cloth diapers with my first one who is now 5, IMO they suck. Maybe it was just my son, but he peed out of everyone, every time. I'm pretty sure we tried every brand too, as my wife had me out trading people seemingly every other day.

We only used cloth diapers for both our kids. We used a diaper service. Also make sure get some good diaper covers.

Remember, when a diaper says 40 lbs. believe me, that's all it will hold.

My wife has convinced me of the benefits of cloth diapers for years now so we'll see. She used them frequently in her previous life of nannying. They're definitely a lot cheaper and more environmentally friendly.

Just had the first legal drink in a bar with my youngest. It's his 21st birthday.

And now we're doing Jell-O shots.

That's unbelievable!

That’s pretty awesome. Make sure he holds your hair back when you’re puking later.

Are jell-o shots something old people remember but young people have never heard of? Like circus peanuts and stuff like that?

Depends on your definition of young people. Jello shots were assuredly a thing in my day. The issue now is that I don't really feel qualified to give an opinion as "young person" any longer. I guess being closer to 40 than 30 can delineate that cutoff.

I mean 21

Jell-O shots are universal. Elder care communities should pass them out on bingo nights.

If my dad did Jell-O shots when I was 21, I'd have wondered how he learned about something from my generation.

LDL 99
Triglycerides 138
HDL 52

Yaaaaaaaassssss!!!

Longhorned wrote: ↑Wed Jul 28, 2021 2:46 pm LDL 99
Triglycerides 138
HDL 52

Yaaaaaaaassssss!!!

All thanks to Super Colon Blow!

UAEebs86 wrote: ↑Wed Jul 28, 2021 3:59 pm

Longhorned wrote: ↑Wed Jul 28, 2021 2:46 pm LDL 99
Triglycerides 138
HDL 52

Yaaaaaaaassssss!!!

All thanks to Super Colon Blow!

True!

So, I have had some amazing stuff happen the last month. Some of you may remember that my ex-wife has been on a crusade to destroy me, specifically by bringing false allegations against me that have brought criminal charges and an indictment that could essentially end my life. She has used these things to get full "temporary' custody of the children until the trial happens. It has been 4 1/2 years of games. charges dropped on the day of trail and new ones brought, preventing me from ever attacking the temporary custody order. we are now on the 4th cycle of this same thing happening. There has never been any evidence presented and the investigations, as pathetic as they were, have only brought evidence of my innocence, but still my life has been disrupted for 4 1/2 years.

Anyway, she has been able to keep control of all the children as minors. My oldest son turned 18 on the 11th of July.

He came to the house on the 13th. I hadn't seen him or been able to talk to him in years, with the exception of 2 1 hour court ordered visits.

He spent the entire day at the house asking questions, getting answers, and looking through the court paperwork. Afterward, he made the decision to move in. He went to my ex-wife's house, packed all his stuff, loaded it into his car and my wife's car, and left. All while everyone was home and awake no one noticed. That's how dysfunctional their house is. He's been here ever since and has had zero contact with them.

His decision was based on seeing with his own eyes the evidence of his mother's treachery. Besides all of the court stuff, that he got to look through and see the truth of what had been done; the main thing was that for 4 1/2 years he had been told by his mother that we(myself, my wife, my parents, and his older sister) all hated him and wanted nothing to do with him. That it was me that ended the relationship. That I had burned everything he owned and every picture of him. That we wanted him gone. She had also told him that a judge had made a ruling that he couldn't make contact with me or he and I would both get in trouble and I would go to jail for the rest of my life. For 4 1/2 years she had been telling him that he was unloved and unwanted. He was going to a therapist to try to understand what was so wrong with him that we would all want him out of our lives.

From the moment we saw him in our driveway and went running to him and gave him 4 1/2 years worth of hugs he knew he'd been lied to. From the moment he set foot in our home and saw pictures of himself on our walls he knew he been lied to. From the moment he met his two younger sisters and they knew who he was because we'd talked about him for years he knew. From the moment he went to his old room and found that it and all his stuff was still there waiting for him he knew. When his grandparents and sister came right over to love on him he knew he'd been lied to about everything. He knew that for 4 1/2 years his mother had told him we hated him and wanted nothing to do with him so that she could control and manipulate him.

I cannot imagine the betrayal he feels, but I understand it.

He came with a great deal of information that will help with the trial, should it ever happen. Information that will be devastating to my ex-wife. Things will get interesting the next few months.

He's asked that we adopt him so that my wife will be his mother, and my ex-wife no longer will. I have asked him to give it a little time to let the initial emotions settle and readdress it because it's too big a decision to make on emotion alone. But we've made clear we'd love to do that, and have set a date to discuss it and move forward of he still wants.

Additionally, the business is booming. I've brought on someone to work full time in February. He's doing amazing, and he's loving it. Since February the business has continued to grow and I needed to hire 2 more. I put my wife on the books to manage the business. Working in the shop and doing all the accounting and office management had gotten to be too much. I have also hired my son to work in the shop part time. He's extremely excited to be working in this family business that he didn't know existed and, as icing on the cake for him, was named after him. More evidence that he's always been loved.

He misses his siblings from the other home, but knows he can't reach out to them. He's constantly talking about how much happier he is and how peaceful our home is.

He's happy. We're happy, and feeling overwhelmed by God's blessings.

Awesome new Phylek!

That is one hell of a very tragic story Phy, but one that appears to be coming to a happy ending where justice will be served.

Neither you nor your children deserve what has been done to you. I just hope your ex gets what she deserves.

I have a friend that had the same thing happen to him except his oldest turned 18 and has never contacted him. He is devastated as you can imagine. I am happy that your story has a happy ending! Nobody deserves to go through such bs especially the children. I hope you and your kids can heal and move forward with your lives!

Great stuff, Phylek. In addition to harming your children, it's also an abuse of a system that's supposed to protect children.

I have no words. I’m praying for the situation, but I’m elated you and your son found some beauty from ashes and I pray it makes a difference in all the other matters.

Happy to read about the business!

Glad you and him found some happiness before it was too late.

Good things should happen to good people.

Nice to see you are re-connecting with your son Phy. Hoping you guys have many years of happiness.

Kids are our legacy so should always be the #1 priority. Too bad some adults don't get this and use them as pawns.

Phylek that is an amazing story and I am very happy for you and your son. I hope the rest of it ends well and you can see all of your kids.

My 401k just hit $1M

Not so loud. The alumni association is listening.

Lord I wish. 14 years at my job and I'm just now getting close to 6 figures.

scumdevils86 wrote: ↑Sat Aug 28, 2021 8:58 am Lord I wish. 14 years at my job and I'm just now getting close to 6 figures.

But do you get a traditional retirement?

Nope. And I'm sure no social security either. I don't know a single person who gets a regular retirement or pension who doesn't work for the government. I was living paycheck to paycheck and struggling to eat from about 2007 to 2011 so I missed out on making contributions to my 401k then.

scumdevils86 wrote: ↑Sat Aug 28, 2021 9:17 am Nope. And I'm sure no social security either. I don't know a single person who gets a regular retirement or pension who doesn't work for the government. I was living paycheck to paycheck and struggling to eat from about 2007 to 2011 so I missed out on making contributions to my 401k then.

Well it sounds like I graduated about 15 years before you so you still have time. Just put as much as you can in. I didn’t max out like I should have and probably would have double what I have now had I done that. My employer contributes 12% of my salary to my retirement - and that doesn’t come out of my salary. I add to that in the max amounts - including the over 50 catch-up amount. Time is your friend. The biggest thing to me is finding investment products with low fees and just putting everything into funds indexed to the S&P. Don’t get cute - it’s all about minimizing the fees, which are largely hidden and may eat up to 50% of your returns if you don’t watch it. Google PBS’ The Retirement Gamble. I watched it 15 years ago and it changed my life.

cpt wrote: ↑Sat Aug 28, 2021 3:20 pm

scumdevils86 wrote: ↑Sat Aug 28, 2021 9:17 am Nope. And I'm sure no social security either. I don't know a single person who gets a regular retirement or pension who doesn't work for the government. I was living paycheck to paycheck and struggling to eat from about 2007 to 2011 so I missed out on making contributions to my 401k then.

Well it sounds like I graduated about 15 years before you so you still have time. Just put as much as you can in. I didn’t max out like I should have and probably would have double what I have now had I done that. My employer contributes 12% of my salary to my retirement - and that doesn’t come out of my salary. I add to that in the max amounts - including the over 50 catch-up amount. Time is your friend. The biggest thing to me is finding investment products with low fees and just putting everything into funds indexed to the S&P. Don’t get cute - it’s all about minimizing the fees, which are largely hidden and may eat up to 50% of your returns if you don’t watch it. Google PBS’ The Retirement Gamble. I watched it 15 years ago and it changed my life.

Yup. Yup. And Yup. Time x rate of return - fees. Simple. Difficult. Backloaded.

12% from your employer? That's insane. And I thought my company was good. If I put in 8% (which is what I currently do), they put in 6%. That's the max.

Holy shit they put in 12%???

Most I’ve ever received was a 3% match, and my current company contributes not a fucking thing.

Chicat wrote: ↑Sat Aug 28, 2021 8:50 pm Holy shit they put in 12%???

Most I’ve ever received was a 3% match, and my current company contributes not a fucking thing.

Seriously. Among people my age I know my 6% match if I put in 8% was by far the best I've heard of. My employer also has only increased the cost of insurance premiums once in the last 14 years. We've also had a bonus 13 of 14 years. Everyone from the landscaper up to the CEO gets one. Starting this year the executive team and senior leadership only gets a bonus if we meet a certain level of our company wide goals. If we don't meet that threshold everyone but the executives get a bonus.

Well I work for an employer that competes for employees with people in the state retirement system and, unlike that system, it’s not a pension but is set up to mimic it. It used to be a 403b program and then we moved to a 401k a few years ago. Like government, our salaries are lower but we make it up in the benefits.

Too bad it isn't our parents and grandparents world where you got the salary and the benefits.

scumdevils86 wrote: ↑Sat Aug 28, 2021 9:06 pm Too bad it isn't our parents and grandparents world where you got the salary and the benefits.

"OK Boomer" you mean!

Yes, I do have a very nice pension, with medical for life even when Medicare kicks in. With my pension, and early social security, I make the same being retired as I was working.

But like CPT said above, our salaries are really low compared to private industry. IT in state jobs pays at least 20% lower than private industry, which makes it really hard to retire. Young people don't think about the future.

You can either get it in pay, or in benefits. I chose benefits.

Totally, boomers had it pretty damn good but the people who entered the work force in the 50s and 60s had it even better. They definitely got the pay and benefits.

As in, I worked at a refrigerator factory in Butthole, Indiana from 1955 to 1982 putting handles on fridge doors, the wife never worked, retired at age 52 with a full pension and healthcare, put 2 kids through college, received my full social security benefits at 60, and had a lake house good.

This was one of the last people I talked to in my previous life of working with people in a branch at work in like 2017. Dude was about 85 and had been retired for almost 30 years. Had nearly million dollars in savings alone. Worked some shit job his whole life and was able to save that much and have all the things we dream of as adults. Thanks Ronnie!

Sorry if this is a stoopid question, but since I've never had an employer I have to ask: are 401k contributions deductible? I always relished the SEP-IRA deduction, even back in the late 70s. It felt like I was gettin' one over on the man.

dovecanyoncat wrote: ↑Sun Aug 29, 2021 10:18 am Sorry if this is a stoopid question, but since I've never had an employer I have to ask: are 401k contributions deductible? I always relished the SEP-IRA deduction, even back in the late 70s. It felt like I was gettin' one over on the man.

Comes out of your check before taxes. Grows tax free. Taxed on withdrawal.

UAEebs86 wrote: ↑Sun Aug 29, 2021 10:21 am

dovecanyoncat wrote: ↑Sun Aug 29, 2021 10:18 am Sorry if this is a stoopid question, but since I've never had an employer I have to ask: are 401k contributions deductible? I always relished the SEP-IRA deduction, even back in the late 70s. It felt like I was gettin' one over on the man.

Comes out of your check before taxes. Grows tax free. Taxed on withdrawal.

Good deal. With the employer match it's incredible.

I want to use my 403B to pay off my mortgage of about $125K. Is that even possible without getting taxed heavily?

Merkin wrote: ↑Sun Aug 29, 2021 11:30 am I want to use my 403B to pay off my mortgage of about $125K. Is that even possible without getting taxed heavily?

Since you are over 59 1/2, you won't have to pay the 10% penalty, but will be taxed at whatever tax bracket if pushes you up to. Probably not a good idea if you have a low interest rate, even though it would give you piece of mind in not having a mortgage.

Thanks Eebs. Need to get some tax reform in back to help the middle class instead of the rich.

Merkin wrote: ↑Sun Aug 29, 2021 11:30 am I want to use my 403B to pay off my mortgage of about $125K. Is that even possible without getting taxed heavily?

If you & your wife file jointly, you can avoid capital gains taxes by withdrawing less than $80,800/year(2021 amount that will increase over time). I have done this with my wife's company stock. Any 403b money withdrawn will still push up your tax bracket as Ebbs mentioned. So you would be better off paying off $125k over 2 years tax wise

84Cat wrote: ↑Sun Aug 29, 2021 12:28 pm

Merkin wrote: ↑Sun Aug 29, 2021 11:30 am I want to use my 403B to pay off my mortgage of about $125K. Is that even possible without getting taxed heavily?

If you & your wife file jointly, you can avoid capital gains taxes by withdrawing less than $80,800/year(2021 amount that will increase over time). I have done this with my wife's company stock. Any 403b money withdrawn will still push up your tax bracket as Ebbs mentioned. So you would be better off paying off $125k over 2 years tax wise

Thanks 84!