Bear Down Wildcats

Select posters will be experiencing a major world event with origins in the exotic Far East, spreading body-to-body to a body near you, perhaps your own. Let us know about the colds you're paranoid about, your flu that you wish you could trade for the Coronavirus, and your confirmed cases of the Real Deal with hospital ordeals and all.

Every player will have instant fans following every detail you post, so please try not to be so full of yourself that you forget to update all the little people hiding in their homes reading this thread.

Winners will be decided when the CDC declares it's over. Of course, Alieberman is league commissioner.

Our first candidate for Patient O in Tucson is scumdevil, who has been in the thick of coronavirus watch since Thursday, March 5.

My first thoughts reading the boards this morning: "Well, here comes a golden opportunity for Longhorned to post that pic from The Seventh Seal. Let's see how he does it!"

The man did not disappoint.

I accept.

Pro tip- The best way to stay healthy..... regular naps.

Does administrative coronavirus count?

Because I have this version bad and it’s ruining my life...

CalStateTempe wrote:Does administrative coronavirus count?

Because I have this version bad and it’s ruining my life...

What is it?

Case definition: managing the politics and mitigation of mass hysteria within a health system

Symptoms:incessant checking of email, insomnia, behavioral and cognitive changes, weight gain.

Meanwhile in Australia...

The first rule of Coronavirus League is Don’t Talk About Coronavirus League.

Rules 2 through 11 are Wash Your Motherfucking Hands.

Irish27 wrote:

Never trust a bean burrito.

On a brighter note, my test results came back negative...

Now that we are entering April, a month that will test society's ability to deal with the undeniable reality of the virus, I wonder how many days it will take for the gunned-up TrumpCucks to freak out. They transitioned from HOAX! to LIBERAL LIE! to PRAYER WORKS! to TYRANNY! but eventually they'll start shooting people for sneezing at an ATM. Will they form Gasmask Militias and prowl their towns in jacked-up mudders randomly taking temperatures at gunpoint and making arrests? Will they take over hospitals and ration care to Real Americans who pass loyalty tests in the lines outside? If the OrangeDoucheBag doesn't praise them he may have to kill them or at least send Stephen Miller to organize them properly. And when the hysteria reaches the point of madness in the conservative brain will their leader take hostages in a local newsroom and begin his manifesto, take off his balaclava and show himself to be dmjcat?

Pick your calendar dates and place your bets.

Oh the humanity!

If scientists proved with 100% certainty that you’d gain immunity from this virus if you swam across a 30 yard-long stretch of ocean that had a great white shark swimming in it, would you do it?

I'd insist on the "scientists" personally demonstrating the test data. It's science after all, so it's repeatable. Strip down and dive in Doc! Beaches are open in Florida!

Longhorned wrote:If scientists proved with 100% certainty that you’d gain immunity from this virus if you swam across a 30 yard-long stretch of ocean that had a great white shark swimming in it, would you do it?

I’d rather sip my best friend from residency who tested positive and is sick but improving at home’s beer for my route to immunity.

I’ll take covid odds for my age and stage over hungry great white.

Good question.

I’d actually go for the great white shark option. I think I’d be fine if I swam under the surface, coming up for a breath every 15 feet or so when I could look through my goggles and see where he is. I’d have a spear strapped to my back, and I’d lunge it at his nose if he got too close.

Many graceful swimmers don't have a problem with sharks. It's just the ones that panic that attract the sharks, since they think it's an injured aquatic animal of some sort.

Or so I have been told. I am not a graceful swimmer, and probably haven't swam in 20 years or so due to bad shoulders, so not an issue.

Merkin wrote:Many graceful swimmers don't have a problem with sharks. It's just the ones that panic that attract the sharks, since they think it's an injured aquatic animal of some sort.

Or so I have been told. I am not a graceful swimmer, and probably haven't swam in 20 years or so due to bad shoulders, so not an issue.

That’s why I’d swim under the surface. If I swam on the surface, all that flailing and splashing would seem like some kind of injured animal. Down in the water, in the shark’s imagination I could conceivably be a threatening monster who just happens to choose to move along really slowly.

Note to self: buy a surfboard that comports itself gracefully.

My wife just informed me we are about 3weeks away from going to Mexico style toileting protocol if we cannot find tp.

For the past week I have been searching at 6am in the way into work and I have been unable to source TP and yeast any where in the greater Sacramento metro area.

What does the yeast do? Disguise the stink in our assholes?

Longhorned wrote:What does the yeast do? Disguise the stink in our assholes?

We’re into freaky shit up here in NorCal LH.

My asshole smells like rosewater.

With daycare, anything is possible.

Without daycare, nothing is possible.

Can you imagine those NASA engineers trying to bring home Apollo 13 while trying to take care of 3 year-olds?

Thank you all for putting out the fires and coming up with the complex solutions. I wish I could contribute.

Longhorned wrote:With daycare, anything is possible.

Without daycare, nothing is possible.

Can you imagine those NASA engineers trying to bring home Apollo 13 while trying to take care of 3 year-olds?

Thank you all for putting out the fires and coming up with the complex solutions. I wish I could contribute.

Failure is not an option!

dovecanyoncat wrote:My asshole smells like rosewater.

I’m in awe of your flexibility.

Chicat wrote:

dovecanyoncat wrote:My asshole smells like rosewater.

I’m in awe of your flexibility.

Impressive, I know.

My homemade face mask has a print with apples and pears.

Here's the method I'm using:

I don't have to go far for this one.

I’m going to the grocery store tomorrow with a mask made of one pair of underwear briefs covered with a T-shirt up to my eyes, so the briefs really are underwear. The cashier will say to me through the plexiglass, “I like your mask!” And I’ll think to myself, “Is she hitting on me?”

Had a plumbing emergency in our house. What was I supposed to do? Live without running water? Or bring a plumber in the house to spread his virus all over us? It was a tough call.

He made my wife help him while I was teaching my class on Zoom. And then she couldn't wash her hands because the water was off. Her hands are now all over her face like you wouldn't believe.

Now I get to drown in anxiety.

In another world, that’s a well-plotted pornhub video.

UAEebs86 wrote: