Home Status Update

Longhorned · Post by **Longhorned** » Sat Mar 12, 2022 9:44 am

How is your wife doing? How are you doing with your wife?

My wife calls herself "March Widow". She's already asking if March Madness will be over this weekend. She's at the end of her rope. She believes that there can be no other man who watches as much college basketball as I do. In complete seriousness, she's been suggesting that I forego whatever live Arizona game to watch with her some kind of TV show about women, by women, and for women. Not because we don't have enough screens and it's her turn to choose, but because I've simply gone overboard and need some balance in my screen time.

I hear her talking about me in her Zoom meetings. "Do you know about March Madness?" "Does your husband watch basketball in March?" The responses are always like, "I think my husband might have filled out a bracket and checked the scores once or twice 10 years ago, but maybe that was soccer or softball or whatever one of those sports that men know about." It's constant affirmation that I'm bat fucking crazy, and that no other human like me exists!

On Sunday (tomorrow) we're going to the Tucson Festival of Books. I'll try to pretend that Selection Sunday doesn't start at 4 pm. I'm going to have to conjure up the courage to tell her that the tournament won't even start until next week. I've already worn out all of her tolerance.

Longhorned · Post by **Longhorned** » Sat Mar 12, 2022 9:46 am

Also, thanks in advance if any of your wives can provide for me a letter addressed to my wife that supports me.

Alieberman · Post by **Alieberman** » Sat Mar 12, 2022 9:49 am

My wife fully accepts that she is a widow and single parent during the month of March

Longhorned · Post by **Longhorned** » Sat Mar 12, 2022 9:52 am

Also, I hear my 5 year-old make references to "daddy's stupid basketball show."

WildcatStunner · Post by **WildcatStunner** » Sat Mar 12, 2022 9:54 am

My wife being from another country has asked me many times why Americans have obsessions over college sports. She let's me watch and embrace our Wildcats, but she does not like how their performance in a game translates to me.

wyo-cat · Post by **wyo-cat** » Sat Mar 12, 2022 10:00 am

No wife. I watch with my kids when they’re in town. I’m texting with the boy who is back east at uni right now about how excited we are for the game…any Cats game.

They grew up with it and are Tucson Kids. They love the Basket Cats.

Merkin · Post by **Merkin** » Sat Mar 12, 2022 10:17 am

My wife was born and raised in Tucson, and is a huge fan like I am.

Longhorned · Post by **Longhorned** » Sat Mar 12, 2022 10:19 am

WildcatStunner wrote: ↑Sat Mar 12, 2022 9:54 am My wife being from another country has asked me many times why Americans have obsessions over college sports. She let's me watch and embrace our Wildcats, but she does not like how their performance in a game translates to me.

Ah. The old "What does this have to do with you?" question.

Chicat · Post by **Chicat** » Sat Mar 12, 2022 10:25 am

LH your wife should appreciate that her husband is a man of passions. A man who loves with his entire being. She should understand that your fiery devotion will almost always be focused on her, but sometimes on other things too.

Maybe try growing a mustache…

Longhorned · Post by **Longhorned** » Sat Mar 12, 2022 10:26 am

Merkin wrote: ↑Sat Mar 12, 2022 10:17 am My wife was born and raised in Tucson, and is a huge fan like I am.

My wife works with many people who grew up here and none of them feel that way.

Longhorned · Post by **Longhorned** » Sat Mar 12, 2022 10:28 am

Chicat wrote: ↑Sat Mar 12, 2022 10:25 am LH your wife should appreciate that her husband is a man of passions. A man who loves with his entire being. She should understand that your fiery devotion will almost always be focused on her, but sometimes on other things too.

Maybe try growing a mustache…

Yes! The annual March-April Mustache. It will come to mean, "Leave me alone and stop asking me questions until it's gone."

EastCoastCat · Post by **EastCoastCat** » Sat Mar 12, 2022 10:35 am

My wife walks by when I'm watching AZ about to say something. Then looks up at the screen, rolls her eyes and walks away.

dovecanyoncat · Post by **dovecanyoncat** » Sat Mar 12, 2022 10:38 am

In my experience it is best to feed the female brain's natural desire for order and logistics if one hopes to avoid the female brain's natural use of chaos to assail pre-existing order and logistics. Here's how I do it:

1. Utilize the fact that it's your fault. (This is always a pre-condition; it is a priori; but I'm trying to be thorough here.)
2. Apologize (This is a good way to start the day in general, every day in fact, if not every granular moment down to the singularity at the primordial heart of marriage.)
3. Formally and with discrete ceremony take the time to explain the construct and schedule of the entire basketball season. (You're building the symbolic icon of your suffering. This is important.)
4. Demonstrate how utterly powerless you are to maintain archetypal male facility in the face of the emotional calendar she now has before her. (This will either strike the feminine tuning fork that ultimately redeems men, or, it will drive her into reclusive resentment and turn her into a psychotic harpy planning in dark detail your wretched protracted agony.) The point is to induce her into a choice of binary absolutes. This is important because above all else you must obviate negotiation. DO NOT NEGOTIATE! Remember, always remember, you are helpless, powerless, trapped and at the mercy of basketball and marriage.
5. Once she accepts this context you're on your own. But I tend to spare her nothing of my elation and agony and trepidation because she will come to my defense and protect me from myself in the end.
6. When it's over you must behave as if it never happened.

Alieberman · Post by **Alieberman** » Sat Mar 12, 2022 11:08 am

My wife and I were dating in '97... she knew what she was getting into

Longhorned · Post by **Longhorned** » Sat Mar 12, 2022 2:02 pm

I just asked her if it were as if I was eating peach yoghurt every day for hours and couldn't help it. She said no, watching basketball extensively is not exactly like that in her view. So she clearly has some understanding.

Chicat · Post by **Chicat** » Sat Mar 12, 2022 2:03 pm

I just bought my wife 10 bottles of wine at Trader Joe’s.

I am currently un-hateable.

Merkin · Post by **Merkin** » Sat Mar 12, 2022 2:07 pm

Chicat wrote: ↑Sat Mar 12, 2022 2:03 pm I just bought my wife 10 bottles of wine at Trader Joe’s.

I am currently un-hateable.

Only spending $24.90 total is a small price to pay!

Chicat · Post by **Chicat** » Sat Mar 12, 2022 2:12 pm

Merkin wrote: ↑Sat Mar 12, 2022 2:07 pm
Chicat wrote: ↑Sat Mar 12, 2022 2:03 pm I just bought my wife 10 bottles of wine at Trader Joe’s.

I am currently un-hateable.
Only spending $24.90 total is a small price to pay!

$27

I got the top shelf shit. Nothing is too good for my baby.

dovecanyoncat · Post by **dovecanyoncat** » Sat Mar 12, 2022 3:07 pm

Amateurs. Until you have made suffering your advantage you have so much left to learn.

Longhorned · Post by **Longhorned** » Sat Mar 12, 2022 7:22 pm

Dammit have to miss the game. Three nights in a row is beyond acceptable.

Alieberman · Post by **Alieberman** » Sat Mar 12, 2022 7:28 pm

Longhorned wrote: ↑Sat Mar 12, 2022 7:22 pm Dammit have to miss the game. Three nights in a row is beyond acceptable.

Can you listen to Brian Jeffries?

UAEebs86 · Post by **UAEebs86** » Sat Mar 12, 2022 7:34 pm

My wife is watching and enjoying the game with me.

Longhorned · Post by **Longhorned** » Sat Mar 12, 2022 8:23 pm

I just finished cleaning my daughter's room. My daughter and I finished and looked up her mom standing in the doorway. She nodded approvingly, then narrowed her eyes at us and said, "Go!" and we ran to the TV room like dogs. I guess my kid is finally ready to watch basketball???

pc in NM · Post by **pc in NM** » Sat Mar 12, 2022 10:15 pm

Longhorned wrote: ↑Sat Mar 12, 2022 8:23 pm I just finished cleaning my daughter's room. My daughter and I finished and looked up her mom standing in the doorway. She nodded approvingly, then narrowed her eyes at us and said, "Go!" and we ran to the TV room like dogs. I guess my kid is finally ready to watch basketball???

How did she handle your agonizing in the first 25 minutes of the game???

Longhorned · Post by **Longhorned** » Sat Mar 12, 2022 10:54 pm

pc in NM wrote: ↑Sat Mar 12, 2022 10:15 pm
Longhorned wrote: ↑Sat Mar 12, 2022 8:23 pm I just finished cleaning my daughter's room. My daughter and I finished and looked up her mom standing in the doorway. She nodded approvingly, then narrowed her eyes at us and said, "Go!" and we ran to the TV room like dogs. I guess my kid is finally ready to watch basketball???
How did she handle your agonizing in the first 25 minutes of the game???

I was agonizing because I was helping my daughter clean her room during the first half.

VegasCatFan · Post by **VegasCatFan** » Sat Mar 12, 2022 11:07 pm

Was able to get my wife to go to her first ever PAC-12 tournament game tonight. She borrowed one of my hats and wore it backwards in the first half. Why? Who know, maybe she’s a closet thug. Second half she wears it normally and the Cats go on a run. She realized she had it on the right way and went to put it on backwards again. People sitting behind us wouldn’t have any part of that and made her wear it forward so as not to break the good luck. She took credit for the win.

84Cat · Post by **84Cat** » Sat Mar 12, 2022 11:12 pm

VegasCatFan wrote: ↑Sat Mar 12, 2022 11:07 pm Was able to get my wife to go to her first ever PAC-12 tournament game tonight. She borrowed one of my hats and wore it backwards in the first half. Why? Who know, maybe she’s a closet thug. Second half she wears it normally and the Cats go on a run. She realized she had it on the right way and went to put it on backwards again. People sitting behind us wouldn’t have any part of that and made her wear it forward so as not to break the good luck. She took credit for the win.

You told her she is now required to watch the next 6 games with her hat on right?

VegasCatFan · Post by **VegasCatFan** » Sat Mar 12, 2022 11:14 pm

84Cat wrote: ↑Sat Mar 12, 2022 11:12 pm
VegasCatFan wrote: ↑Sat Mar 12, 2022 11:07 pm Was able to get my wife to go to her first ever PAC-12 tournament game tonight. She borrowed one of my hats and wore it backwards in the first half. Why? Who know, maybe she’s a closet thug. Second half she wears it normally and the Cats go on a run. She realized she had it on the right way and went to put it on backwards again. People sitting behind us wouldn’t have any part of that and made her wear it forward so as not to break the good luck. She took credit for the win.
You told her she is now required to watch the next 6 games with her hat on right?

I’m trying to get her to go to San Diego if that’s where we play the first two rounds. I’m losing the battle right now.

dovecanyoncat · Post by **dovecanyoncat** » Sat Mar 12, 2022 11:15 pm

VegasCatFan wrote: ↑Sat Mar 12, 2022 11:07 pm Was able to get my wife to go to her first ever PAC-12 tournament game tonight. She borrowed one of my hats and wore it backwards in the first half. Why? Who know, maybe she’s a closet thug. Second half she wears it normally and the Cats go on a run. She realized she had it on the right way and went to put it on backwards again. People sitting behind us wouldn’t have any part of that and made her wear it forward so as not to break the good luck. She took credit for the win.

Vegas Wife for the win!

RichardCranium · Post by **RichardCranium** » Sat Mar 12, 2022 11:20 pm

Well I hadda miss the game due to SWMBO booking us into a movie with friends. It ended with about 5 minutes left, but the effing video from Faux Sports wouldn't play on my phone.

Longhorned · Post by **Longhorned** » Sun Mar 13, 2022 9:12 am

RichardCranium wrote: ↑Sat Mar 12, 2022 11:20 pm Well I hadda miss the game due to SWMBO booking us into a movie with friends. It ended with about 5 minutes left, but the effing video from Faux Sports wouldn't play on my phone.

There's always some plan made with friends and family. I've learned that if you try to get out of it because your team is playing in the tourney, nobody will accept that all.

CalStateTempe · Post by **CalStateTempe** » Sun Mar 13, 2022 12:14 pm

This thread is awesome.

The site is the old sweater that fits just right.

7yo Daughter came home from grandparents and saw the house flag up…

“Daddy, does Arizona have a game this week? Is it the tourney?”

I must be doing something right.

Longhorned · Post by **Longhorned** » Thu Mar 17, 2022 7:45 am

I'm losing to Thursday work meetings and, apparently, a "service day" at my kid's school, where I have to keep my kid home all day on Friday and have a parent/teacher Zoom meeting, too.

For when I get home from teaching Friday just in time for Arizona's tip-off, my wife has invited friends and family for me to entertain. When I get accused of being a "rude host" I plan to rudely ignore both the accusation and the guests. What the hell are they all doing not watching the tourney?

Chicat · Post by **Chicat** » Thu Mar 17, 2022 7:55 am

Feels like the world is against us.

My main issue today is that this is our busy season and I took tomorrow off to watch basketball until my eyes bleed, so I have to cram what feels like six days’ worth of work into the next twelve hours or so.

*I work from home, so yes this is the appropriate thread for this post

Longhorned · Post by **Longhorned** » Thu Mar 17, 2022 11:52 am

My wife just informed me that watching TCU/Seton Hall is beyond consideration. Watching Arizona's game is a special dispensation, even if I'm not permitted to watch it without socializing and helping guests during it. And I'm to accept and like that. Because this isn't about her telling me what to do. It's about being a normal human being, and watching more than a single game now and then isn't normal or acceptable in any context.

Well, I'm putting my foot down. And other than getting my kid ready for bed and put in the bed, I'm putting my ass down on the couch and I'm not getting up until the whole Friday night of basketball is over, unless it's to grab a beer or pee. Or refill my corn chips.

Don't socialize or chat with a man who's watching basketball.

Chicat · Post by **Chicat** » Thu Mar 17, 2022 12:02 pm

“Normal” is a horrible discriminatory word.

10 out of 10 psychologists agree.

Longhorned · Post by **Longhorned** » Thu Mar 17, 2022 12:13 pm

She didn't use it but she implied it. She has never known anyone who watches sports so she thinks I'm being extreme!

Merkin · Post by **Merkin** » Thu Mar 17, 2022 12:37 pm

Longhorned wrote: ↑Thu Mar 17, 2022 11:52 am grab a beer or pee. Or refill my corn chips.

Isn't that what wives are for? Except peeing, you can do that yourself.

Honey, while you're up...

dovecanyoncat · Post by **dovecanyoncat** » Thu Mar 17, 2022 12:51 pm

Chicat wrote: ↑Thu Mar 17, 2022 12:02 pm “Normal” is a horrible discriminatory word.

10 out of 10 psychologists agree.

"The trouble with normal is it always gets worse."

Chicat · Post by **Chicat** » Thu Mar 17, 2022 1:01 pm

Longhorned wrote: ↑Thu Mar 17, 2022 12:13 pm She didn't use it but she implied it. She has never known anyone who watches sports so she thinks I'm being extreme!

Just show her how many posts I have on this message board and then tell her about the 50K I had at GoAZCats. You’ll look “normal” in comparison.

Longhorned · Post by **Longhorned** » Fri Mar 18, 2022 1:45 pm

Here's normal behavior:

I met another guy with his kid at the playground this morning. His kid is also out for a service day at school.

I asked if this is interrupting his tourney viewing. When he didn't seem to understand, I asked him if he's watching the NCAA tournament.

"Yes," he said. "It's starting up now," he volunteered further.

"Are you an Arizona fan?" I asked.

"Yes," he said, and then changed the topic to something about business and residential zoning, and his issues with the "element" attracting by a smoke shop on Craycroft and 5th St.

dovecanyoncat · Post by **dovecanyoncat** » Fri Mar 18, 2022 1:48 pm

He's a communist and an ASU fan.

Chicat · Post by **Chicat** » Sat Mar 19, 2022 9:01 am

Next time lead with municipal zoning laws and ease your way into the divisive sports talk.

Longhorned · Post by **Longhorned** » Sat Mar 19, 2022 9:43 am

In case I'm not the last person here to figure out how to deal with a woman who inserts herself into your game viewing: Just welcome her and explain what's happening in the game. You won't have to do it for long. She'll excuse herself really fast and never return.

Alieberman · Post by **Alieberman** » Sat Mar 19, 2022 10:22 am

I can't believe I'm having this problem- but here it is.

My wife is awesome. She is not too interested in sports but NEVER gives me any shit about watching any of my teams and knows she's a widow during March Madness.

It is the prefect opening weekend of March Madness for me if I never get out of my UofA pajama house pants from Thursday-Sunday (my wife bought me these)

But my wife is now trying to convince me to go to the Women's 1st round game tonight.

I can't believe she's trying to convince me to go. This is amazing... and I should want to go (we've actually been to a couple women's games together) but I don't want to get dressed today and just want to watch EVERY game I can.

What do I do?

UAEebs86 · Post by **UAEebs86** » Sat Mar 19, 2022 10:24 am

I'd go to the ladies game. Score some brownie points in the process.

dovecanyoncat · Post by **dovecanyoncat** » Sat Mar 19, 2022 10:26 am

Within the spectrum of home status challenges that really not a bad problem to have Ari. You can work with this one.

azgreg · Post by **azgreg** » Sat Mar 19, 2022 10:44 am

Alieberman wrote: ↑Sat Mar 19, 2022 10:22 am I can't believe I'm having this problem- but here it is.

My wife is awesome. She is not too interested in sports but NEVER gives me any shit about watching any of my teams and knows she's a widow during March Madness.

It is the prefect opening weekend of March Madness for me if I never get out of my UofA pajama house pants from Thursday-Sunday (my wife bought me these)

But my wife is now trying to convince me to go to the Women's 1st round game tonight.

I can't believe she's trying to convince me to go. This is amazing... and I should want to go (we've actually been to a couple women's games together) but I don't want to get dressed today and just want to watch EVERY game I can.

What do I do?

Go

Chicat · Post by **Chicat** » Sat Mar 19, 2022 10:47 am

Go support the ladies!

Alieberman · Post by **Alieberman** » Sat Mar 19, 2022 10:48 am

I DONT WANT TO GET DRESSED!

Login • Register