Letters from a Nut

[Longhorned]

Any fans here of the Letters from a Nut series by "Ted L. Nancy" (Barry Marder)?

I've decided to send the following letter to thousands of households in various cities and towns throughout America, and see what response I get. I think I can actually get funding for this.

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Dear Sir/Ma'am,

Please forgive this intrusion and allow me to introduce myself. Many years ago, I used to live in your house. I'm currently at a stage when I'm experiencing a strong urge to reconnect with that earlier part of my life. As a very important favor, I'm asking whether you would be so kind as to allow me to visit your home. I would need to view the inside from various heights corresponding to different stages of my growth, so apologies in advance for stooping and falling to my knees. And yes, I will be required to enter every room of your house, spending time alone in each. As a final request, in the bedroom across from the hallway bathroom, and also in the master bedroom, I may need to reposition the bed, and I will certainly need to spend several hours laying in it.

For all of these explorations, I am requesting two days, though I may not require the full second day. There is no need to accommodate me overnight, as I will be staying at the closest Motel 6. I really appreciate your doing this for me, and I want to do everything I can to avoid inconveniencing you. You are more than welcome to be in the house during my visit. At your earliest convenience, please email your decision to handymort@yahoo.com. If I don't hear back from you, I'll stop by so that we can discuss in person. Thank you for your valuable time.

Sincerely,

Morton Roundcap

[Alieberman]

Seems completely reasonable