The Random Thoughts Thread

[dovecanyoncat]

I don't think so, especially if his knowing comes at the expense of his facility. And ultimately that is a gambit masculinity embraces. Given that we assign attributes to things in themselves, things we deem unrelated to us as observers, in the current predicament, when we are "just supposed to know" we have to choose between ground-truthing and understanding. We're not very good at ground-truthing.

[Carcassdragger]

Just take out your penis on your first date in the middle of dinner and show it to her. Works every time for me.

[dovecanyoncat]

"Check Please!!"

[Chicat]

Is there a way for us to know what the communication they want is?

Start communicating. You’ll be wrong and should have tried the other way. Try the other way next time and be wrong again. Eventually you’ll die. Eat at Arby’s.

[azgreg]

A friend of mine went on a blind date. She came into the restaurant, sat down, looked at him for about 30 seconds, then said nope and got up and walked out.

[Chicat]

A friend of mine went on a blind date. She came into the restaurant, sat down, looked at him for about 30 seconds, then said nope and got up and walked out.

He got lucky. Other people probably took months to figure out she was a shitty person not worthy of spending any amount of time or money on.

But seriously, screw whoever set him up for not understanding how much of a shallow piece of shit she was.

[dovecanyoncat]

A friend of mine went on a blind date. She came into the restaurant, sat down, looked at him for about 30 seconds, then said nope and got up and walked out.

He got lucky. Other people probably took months to figure out she was a shitty person not worthy of spending any amount of time or money on.

But seriously, screw whoever set him up for not understanding how much of a shallow piece of shit she was.

Hard to say, a guy can fail the "Pass me the rolls" test in way less than 30 seconds.

[Merkin]

[Longhorned]

I say that's the laugh of a genius. When you're looking for an easy, fast exit without hurting her feeling, take the first opportunity to sound like a real ass.

Even better than calling her a hot weirdo.

[azgreg]

[Chicat]

A bar of soap seemed to last longer when I was a kid. Any Boomers out there remember the same?

I’ve been thinking about this comment and I have a theory…

Remember the Ivory Soap campaign that centered on the fact that it floats in the bathtub? The ad copy attributed that to how “pure” the soap is. Something like 99.7% “pure” or some such shit. And they basically said that all the other soaps sank because they were filled with impurities (which is a weird flex because turds float and I wouldn’t clean myself with even the lightest, fluffiest feces…).

So I think other soap brands started doing what Ivory had been doing all along - mixing a ton of air into the bars they formed - so that they too would float. No impurities here!

More air = Less soap, and I think that solves the conundrum of why your Irish Spring only lasts for a few trips around your anus before dissolving away into nothing.

[Merkin]

Outside of motels, I can't even think of last time I used a bar of soap. Either body wash in the shower or liquid soap when washing my hands.

[dovecanyoncat]

A bar of soap seemed to last longer when I was a kid. Any Boomers out there remember the same?

I’ve been thinking about this comment and I have a theory…

Remember the Ivory Soap campaign that centered on the fact that it floats in the bathtub? The ad copy attributed that to how “pure” the soap is. Something like 99.7% “pure” or some such shit. And they basically said that all the other soaps sank because they were filled with impurities (which is a weird flex because turds float and I wouldn’t clean myself with even the lightest, fluffiest feces…).

So I think other soap brands started doing what Ivory had been doing all along - mixing a ton of air into the bars they formed - so that they too would float. No impurities here!

More air = Less soap, and I think that solves the conundrum of why your Irish Spring only lasts for a few trips around your anus before dissolving away into nothing.

Funny you should mention Ivory Soap since my wife just recently switched to it. But it also got me thinking about an NPR segment I listened to while working a really steep and shitty stand one day: the makers of candy bars design everything about the bite down to the bite pressure needed to eat it and the number of chews per bite and bites per bar. The whole thing is engineered and melded with ad narrative to build associations and mouth addictions. You end up with a Marathon Bar or something that melts in your mouth with just the right amount of salt, crunch, fun-size, chew, and happy happy time. Evil bastards!

[Carcassdragger]

A bar of soap seemed to last longer when I was a kid. Any Boomers out there remember the same?

I’ve been thinking about this comment and I have a theory…

Remember the Ivory Soap campaign that centered on the fact that it floats in the bathtub? The ad copy attributed that to how “pure” the soap is. Something like 99.7% “pure” or some such shit. And they basically said that all the other soaps sank because they were filled with impurities (which is a weird flex because turds float and I wouldn’t clean myself with even the lightest, fluffiest feces…).

So I think other soap brands started doing what Ivory had been doing all along - mixing a ton of air into the bars they formed - so that they too would float. No impurities here!

More air = Less soap, and I think that solves the conundrum of why your Irish Spring only lasts for a few trips around your anus before dissolving away into nothing.

I read somewhere that if your turds float, there is too much fat in your diet.

[Chicat]

The fact that I received no positive rep for solving the Great Soap Mystery of 2022 is proof positive that this world is going down the toilet (after floating around the bowl a few times of course).

[dovecanyoncat]

You won't get away with this! You want us to reinforce the evils of advertising. Shame on you. I'm re-watching Westworld at the moment and I ain't gonna let you consign me to the Cradle. Demented manipulators fucks like you want to shove us into the metaverse and run us through an eternal loop of ads for tits and beer and football food. I know what you're doing!

[dovecanyoncat]

In fact, Ivory Soap is the cornerstone. Keep your hands off! The half-life of a bar of soap is a sacred component in the entropy formula of Boomer reality. You're evil plan is to shift time-scale and context, walk me into a Facebook world and sell my data to the Russian mob!

[Longhorned]

I went through years when the only soap I used was a bar of sapone di marsiglia. I used it for my skin, hair, clothes, and floor. I felt really strongly that it was the only soap a person needs for all purposes. I had to give it up for a woman who was annoyed by the whole thing.

[Chicat]

I went through years when the only soap I used was a bar of sapone di marsiglia. I used it for my skin, hair, clothes, and floor. I felt really strongly that it was the only soap a person needs for all purposes. I had to give it up for a woman who was annoyed by the whole thing.

Was the issue that there was no separation between you and your socks?

[Longhorned]

I went through years when the only soap I used was a bar of sapone di marsiglia. I used it for my skin, hair, clothes, and floor. I felt really strongly that it was the only soap a person needs for all purposes. I had to give it up for a woman who was annoyed by the whole thing.

Was the issue that there was no separation between you and your socks?

I think it was symbolic. For me, it was a freedom from targeted marketing and plastics pollution. In her (and Merkin's) world of laundry detergent, shampoo, body wash, and Pine Sol, viscous fluidity languidly froths forth. But that ever-present, ever-waning bar of soap slyly slimes its slippery sludge, upholding a monistic unifier by blurring distinctions between healthful hygiene and repulsive roguery. Is the bar self-cleansing? Or does it spread the memory of disgust from surface to surface? The bar gets smaller and softer while asserting its questions ever more loudly. Is this freedom? At what cost?

[Chicat]

When Zest needs a refresh on their ad copy, I’m sending them your way.

They’ll go from “You’re not fully clean unless you’re Zestfully clean” to “Your soap, your life, your unconscious yearning for freedom screamed into the ether of an uncaring world” and we’ll all be the better for it.

[Longhorned]

I wouldn't go so far as to say that figure skating is a sport, but there's no transcendence greater than Nathan Chen taking a cigarette break while spinning in mid-air high above the ice.

[Longhorned]

You ever buy one of those monthly all-you-can-fly standby passes, and then get in a really big fight with your wife and storm out of the house at 10 pm, and you don't know where to go so you drive to the airport and catch a last-second redeye flight to JFK and back just to sleep?

[RichardCranium]

You ever buy one of those monthly all-you-can-fly standby passes, and then get in a really big fight with your wife and storm out of the house at 10 pm, and you don't know where to go so you drive to the airport and catch a last-second redeye flight to JFK and back just to sleep?

Nope. You?

[RichardCranium]

That sequence on soap should be preserved in the internet philosophy hall of fame.

[Longhorned]

You ever buy one of those monthly all-you-can-fly standby passes, and then get in a really big fight with your wife and storm out of the house at 10 pm, and you don't know where to go so you drive to the airport and catch a last-second redeye flight to JFK and back just to sleep?

Nope. You?

Not very often.

[Longhorned]

I want a Girls of Whole Foods Calendar for the location up on River and Craycroft.

[dovecanyoncat]

I love Cheddar and Sour Cream Ruffles.

[scumdevils86]

Very underrated

[Merkin]

Glad you posted that here, instead of the not popular opinion thread, since those are the bomb. None better.

[azgreg]

[Longhorned]

At center from Edinburgh number 31 David Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuume!!!

[Longhorned]

At center from Edinburgh number 31 David Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuume!!!

I said this out loud and my black lab mix responded with a deep-voiced, "wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo"

[Chicat]

Some of you obviously hit “submit” on posts on this website and never bother to look at them again.

[Merkin]

Some of you obviously hit “submit” on posts on this website and never bother to look at them again.

I do that all the time on Facebook. Tend to not look at any responses to my political posts. If I trigger some conservatives enough to respond, my work is done.

[dovecanyoncat]

Some of you obviously hit “submit” on posts on this website and never bother to look at them again.

If you even remember what you've posted you're not a player!

[UAEebs86]

[Longhorned]

My produce drawer is a deposit for vegetal residues, ready for the lab of the botanist-archaeologist to document the history of my purchases.

[RichardCranium]

My produce drawer is a beer cooler.

[Longhorned]

My produce drawer holds a decapitated human head.

[dovecanyoncat]

The produce in my drawers is older than any vegetable in your house.

[Chicat]

What is wrong with my brain where I’ll wake up at 5am thinking about work, I’ll then work until around 7am, then fuck around literally all day until around 4pm, then work pretty much non-stop until dinner, and then work some more after dinner until my eyes are burning and I have to go to bed, rinse & repeat?

Why don’t I just work 9 to 5 like a normal human (American)?

[Carcassdragger]

There is something wrong with the urinals here. It hurts when I pee.

[Longhorned]

What is wrong with my brain where I’ll wake up at 5am thinking about work, I’ll then work until around 7am, then fuck around literally all day until around 4pm, then work pretty much non-stop until dinner, and then work some more after dinner until my eyes are burning and I have to go to bed, rinse & repeat?

Why don’t I just work 9 to 5 like a normal human (American)?

It's because you wake up at 5 am thinking about work, deserve a break around 7 am, and then become torpid upon getting in the groove of the break. Around 4 pm, you realize there's only an hour left, dive in, and get into the groove of work. During dinner, the unfinished business pricks at your consciousness and beckons you back, where you pick up the threads of the work and then go to bed with those threads still active until they activate your brain at 5 am, continuing the cycle.

If you really want to break that, enjoy some coffee and something for breakfast that you usually don't allow yourself at 7 am tomorrow. No screen time while you drink and eat. Every time your mind wanders, say to yourself, "Isn't this good?", drawing your attention back to your breakfast. Then do nothing but breathe for a few minutes. And then go back to work until 5 pm, and then take off the whole rest of the night. Start work the next day at 9 am.

[Chicat]

Outside of “don’t eat yellow snow”, that might have been the best advice I’ve ever received.

Thank you Doctor.

[Longhorned]

Glad to help. I don't like to brag but I'm an expert on sloth.

[dovecanyoncat]

What is wrong with my brain where I’ll wake up at 5am thinking about work, I’ll then work until around 7am, then fuck around literally all day until around 4pm, then work pretty much non-stop until dinner, and then work some more after dinner until my eyes are burning and I have to go to bed, rinse & repeat?

Why don’t I just work 9 to 5 like a normal human (American)?

Alcohol consumption wrecks the sleep cycle, so it's not your brain that wakes you. But your brain is culpable until you retrain it to normalize the notion of drinking during work, not after work..... when you should quit drinking and have dinner and watch basketball and sleep like a baby all night long, then wake up and start drinking/working.

[EastCoastCat]

I just don’t sleep and worry all day and night.

Gotten quite used to it frankly…

[Merkin]

Just be like a lawyer. As in the old John Grisham novels, if you even think about work in the shower, it's billable hours.

[Longhorned]

I just don’t sleep and worry all day and night.

Gotten quite used to it frankly…

Do you worry about one thing, a few things, or many things?